As close to naked as she gets...

Heidi Montag in Playboy.

Naked in PLAYBOY, I don't think SOOOOOOOOO...

The only thing X-rated about Heidi Montag's upcoming Playboy spread are the 4 letter words you will scream when you realize she's not naked in any of the SIX PAGES of photos.

Sources close to the barely PG-rated photo shoot told TMZ, the magazine was under strict instructions when shooting Montag -- "No nipples, no vagina, no ass." WAIT, NO BRAINS EITHER.

As usual , the reason to buy the magazine...THE INTERVIEWS...LIVES ON...

"Wanna see naked pictures of my wife?"

Heidi and Spencer Pratt are truly the world's biggest self-promoters and assholes

The Z-list reality couple showed up to the premiere of "G.I. Joe" in Los Angeles and posed on the red carpet with Heidi's new Playboy cover.

According to Pop Tarts " They then proceeded to walk the press line holding up the mag as Heidi rambled on about how she worked out to get such a great body."

Dieting Monkeys Live Longer or... Mr. & Mrs. Spencer Pratt?

Canto, left, a 27-year-old rhesus monkey, is on a restricted diet, while Owen, 29, is not. The two monkeys are part of a study of the links between diet and aging.
New York Times report HERE

"Modern Mother Teresa"

Morons Visit The Today Show

THE PUNCHLINE

"(Heidi and Spencer Pratt) quit the show after the first day and then quit again on the second day. Last night they returned to the jungle, and I think that's good... The jungle gave us malaria and yellow fever. We gave it Heidi and Spencer. It's a draw."
-- Jimmy Kimmel

Spencer Pratt Show Update

HA HA!

Heidi Montag was rushed to a hospital in Costa Rica yesterday after she started "convulsively throwing up" after spending one full day with Spencer Pratt in a dark room.
The moronic couple were sent to "The Lost Chamber" by the producers of 'I'm A Stupid (Quasi) Celebrity...' as a way to redeem themselves for quitting the show. They were given cots to sleep on, water to drink and rice and beans to eat.
According to TMZ.com ...after the 24 hours were up, Heidi was so sick that she was taken to the hospital where doctors diagnosed her with a "gastric ulcer." Is "gastric ulcer" Costa Rican doctor talk for "I'm a FAME-WHORE"?
Heidi has been released and is currently on meds. Apparently, the LOSERS want off the show for good now, but they signed a tiny little thing called "a contract." Spencer has fired his lawyer for telling him to stay on the show and now he's threatening to sue NBC.
Some of the other cast members are trying to get off the show, but their passports have been held hostage.

Just when you thought...

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt bailed on I'm Not A Celebrity for the second time in two days ...but apparently they have already been replaced. People magazine is saying that Stephen Baldwin's brother Daniel (above left) and Heidi's sister Holly (above right) have been put on planes to Costa Rica.

No word on seeing Gary Coleman and his wife appear as network executives are not returning CWW's calls...

Narcissistic Losers Arrive in L.A....?

This is supposedly THE PRATTS arriving at LAX last night after leaving the jungles of Costa Rica and the set of I'm A Stupid DUMB FUCK, Or is it them?
E! says that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are actually still in Costa Rica and will make their grand return to the show tonight. Their pleas and twitters were answered and the producers took them back after they begged a second time to stay in the jungle. We can only hope the rest of the cast eats them on tonights show...
more HERE

Egomaniacle Speidi goes Bye Bye...

Ego head cases, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have quit the NBC reality show "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!"
A source close to production said the "Hills" duo walked off the set for good after the live portion of last night's show. It is unclear how the show will handle their leaving on tonight's episode. We hope NBC continues to air Pratt's assorted behaviors OVER AND OVER...
The most interesting moment last night was when informed that their charity of choice will lose money if they walked off, Spencer said, "...that's why we chose the two (charities) we did, they don't need the money."
If that doesn't say ASSHOLE, how about this? ...he was also shown on the phone with the president of NBC Entertainment, telling the guy how rich and famous he was and how he was told that he would be surrounded with famous people like himself... we're willing to wager that a certain NBA player on the show has more cash that Spencer will ever see in his lifetime...
Hopefully they'll bring in Gary Coleman and his wife to replace them...
more HERE

Heidi is Hilarious...like a joke

Heidi Montag was so determined to film the clip in Mexico last month that she visited the country with her new husband Spencer Pratt at the height of pandemic fears.
But without a plot line in sight and no more scenery than a pool and sandy beach, the effort almost begs belief.
Instead of good quality production values and careful directing, the clip employs the use of a very simply strategy - a bikini and lots of flesh.
more HERE

Too Many Stories, Too Little Time...

• Stephanie Seymour Is At The Beach
• Heidi Montag’s Hills Aren’t Disappointing
• Jennifer Lopez Didn't Trust Marc Anthony
• Eliza Dushku Topless In Alphabet Killer
• Melissa Etheridge Flips On Rick Warren
• How Much CASH Britney's Dad & Brother Made
• Drumline Meets Revenge of the Nerds, Ha!
• Danielle Lloyd & Friends Have A Merry Xmas
• Tommy & Nicole Kidman's Custody Agreement
• Vote In The 2008 Cheerleader Championship!
• Kim & Kourtney Kardashian Flaunt Their Bods
• Beyonce Diva Video Sucks Something Fierce
• Alyssa Milano Is Still Freaking Hot in Clothes
• Someone Needs To Let Bijou Phillips Out
• Victoria Silvstedt Keeps Things Classy
• That's A Serious Handlebar Mustache
• The Daily Bikini Does Denise Richards
• Nice To See Boobs Before Christmas
• Gwen Stefani Is A MILF That Cooks
• Celebs Doing Last Minute Shopping
• Retro: John Travolta for Safeguard
• Pamela Anderson's Ass Strikes Again
• Megan Fox Is #1 On The “Hot List”
• Aretha Franklin Makes Fat Jokes
• Simon Cowell is a Shirtless, Eww
• SamRo Makes $3 Million A Year
• Best Celebrity Butts Around

Art Imitates Life

click the pics

...we know this is a bit dated, but thought we'd juxtapose the images for your amusement...
you're welcome...

Best Boob News of 2008

While it’s hard to measure boobs for a bra, it’s easy to measure a year by them. And 2008 certainly had its peaks and valleys!
The economy sagged, Barack lifted us, Heidi Montag made us heave, and Tina Fey perked us up. All in all, these past 12 months have been a titular time! So, HERE are some favorite mammary memories of 2008…

Skankin' at the MTV Movie Awards

click the pic

Tits Rhymes with Ditz

Heidi Montag squeezed her fake tits into the political arena last week by endorsing Senator John McCain for President.
She really is a "feminist hero," just like the New York Times said! Except for one minor detail: Montag isn't actually registered to vote.
the story is HERE

Heidi Montag is lookin' for doubles

Heidi Montag is looking for a few lookalikes to model her new fashion line, Heidiwood. Contestants must be 21, a resident of California and have all their shots and, like Heidi, must be dumb, fake, hot-bodied, and most importantly, useless. The 9 chosen models will appear at a launch party held on April 11th in Los Angeles.
Click here to submit yourself

Duets: Montag and Spears?

Ryan Seacrest played a duet featuring Heidi Montag and Britney Spears on his morning radio show today, the song is called "Dramatic"

Click here to listen.

Heidi Montag Video