Dane and Irish

A Dane and an Irish man are at the beach in Waikiki

All day the girls are hanging next to the Dane

On the way home the Irish guy asks his Danish pal why the girls

Didnt even notice him.

The Dane tells his buddy to get rid of the boxer short swimsuit and

Get a Speedo like him.

The next day the girls are hanging on the Dane again and not even noticing

the Irish man with the new Speedo.

On the way home he again asks the Dane whats the problem with the girls again

Not noticing him.

The Dane says look get yourself a potato and put it in your Speedo.

The next day still no luck, the girls are even staying further away from him. He cant

Stand it anymore and asks the Dane what to do next.

The Dane says move the potato from the back to the front.

Janey Jackson Talks...

Michael understood why his family would intervene: "How do I say this? Understanding. I guess that will be the best way to -- understood that it was out of love, because of caring. But when it's something like that, people can tend to be in denial."

Was Michael in denial? "I wish he could answer this question for you and not me. I felt that he was in denial."

Janet knew ultimately he would have to help himself: "You can't make 'em drink the water. ... I'm a true believer in prayer, a big believer in prayer -- but it's, it's something that you can't do for them. Something they have to do for themselves."

She believes Dr. Conrad Murray should be held responsible for her brother's death: "He was the one that was administering. I think he is responsible."

Trying to help Michael with his addiction was like trying to help her first husband, James DeBarge, with his: "It kinda goes back to my first relationship, something that you have to want. ... it's something they have to want."

She married DeBarge for rebellious reasons: "I wanted to be on my own and get out of the house. We were the kind of kids that -- we -- obeyed our parents, really obeyed our parents. If they said no, you don't ask why. You just understand that it's no."

His drug issues led to the breakup of their marriage: "He was my first love and very much so. And there was a lot going on in our relationship, a lot going on with him, I should say. And -- just being so young and not really -- not really knowing what life is really all about, just beginning to explore life and wanting to -- help him, thinking I could change him, if I only could do this and that, and not realizing that it was something that he had to do and want for himself."

She's not married to Jermaine Dupri: "I know people thought we were. ... I just heard that today. Someone said to me, or just yesterday, someone said, 'You engaged,' and I said, 'Who am I engaged to?' And they said to Jermaine. I said, 'Oh, I am?'"

In fact, they split up: "I adore him. Absolutely adore Jermaine. Love him to death and we're still very good friends to this day. Very good friends, but that's all I'll say."

Going back to work helped: "I needed to get back to work. It helped me get through it. I was able to put a lot of my focus someplace else."

Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

Rolex

My neighbors, the two 25 year old blonde lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a new Rolex.

It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

Catholic coffee

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts, 24" stomach and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, Oh My God."

Two Brooms

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.

The Economy is so bad...

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

The economy is so bad I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad if the bank returns your
check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Someone isn't aging gracefully...

Someone isn't aging gracefully...

Chris Brown Babbles...

Chris speak:

"I love women. But I would say definitely I've just been chilling. I haven't really been trying to get into a relationship or trying to date anybody. I've just kind of been working on me."

"My whole dating thing, I've been kind of chilling. I mean, I'm Chris Brown. I'm not saying it like that, but, it's like, girls are gonna be around."

Rihanna takes her beaver out for some night air...

Jon Gosselin is a MORON, exhibit 2345

Story HERE.

Cheryl Burke and her...

A Pitcher of Bacon?

Bacon Jam

Buy it HERE.

Chocolate covered Bacon

Story HERE.

Not So Funny

N.A.S.A featuring Tom Waits

from boing boing

Tiger Woods: Injuries Caused by Wife, Not SUV | TMZ.com

Tiger Woods: Injuries Caused by Wife, Not SUV | TMZ.com

The Work of Adam Richardson

More HERE.

My Wife and the Desert Eagle

Authorities: Tiger Woods hurt in Fla. car crash

Authorities: Tiger Woods hurt in Fla. car crash

Mechanical Tumor

Great Idea and we actually USE THEM...

Holy Water Dispensers fight the Flu?

Story HERE.

An Eyeball removal Tool for Dolls...Ya I KNOW!!!

Mass we not buy this....

The Hulkster and Ric Flair got into it down under...

The Old Flag in the poop prank

Remember when German pranksters have planted 2,000-3,000 miniature US flags and pictures of Bush in piles of dog poop in public parks, it's really time to update this gem and bring this prank BACK.

Letters from Santa

Buy yours HERE.

Who owns a domesticated Otter?

Wearable Hummingbird Feeder...

Buy One HERE.

1st Computer to Sing....

Butterfly Hell?

Thoughts to Ponder

"If the army didn't want gays, why do they have Ft. Dix?"
- Larry "Bubbles" Brown

If your Toilet was a computer...

Recycled Bowling Lane Furniture

Story HERE.

KISS: Live on Facebook Tonight

Now thats a BUS STOP....

Story HERE.

The Duct Tape Bandit...

Story HERE.

THE PUNCH LINE

"It's been reported that CNN got so tired of Lou Dobbs' focus on immigration issues that they paid him $8 million to leave. And, just to rub it in, they gave it to him in pesos."

-- Conan O'Brien

The Sharpie Bandits

These morons attempted to rob a Carroll, Iowa home while disguised with, Sharpie marker masks. Police responded to a call and spotted the getaway car driven by Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20.

From CNN:

"We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away," (police chief Jeff) Cayler said jokingly. "I have to assume the officers were kind of laughing at the time. I've never heard of coloring your face with a permanent marker..."

"I've been chief here almost 25 years, been with the department 28½ years and I've seen a lot of things that make me laugh and weird things but this was probably the best combination of the two -- strangely weird and hilariously funny all at the same time."

Full report HERE.

The Definition of Creepy and Disgusting all in one...

Story HERE.

Lambert Sucks...

The Beard Store

Get yours HERE.

Obama's Birth Certificate

Black Friday Ad's

Sales HERE.

APPLES BLACK FRIDAY AD LEAKED...

When Nature Calls...

Site HERE.

Man In Breathalyzer Costume Accused Of Drunken Driving

James N. P. Miller of Cincinnati was wearing a breathalyzer costume when he was arrested from drunk driving.

Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console.

Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk.

He was arrested and transported to the police station, where he consented to take a blood-alcohol-content test. His results were a .158 percent BAC.

Rest of the story HERE.

Lighting for Trekkies

Get it HERE.

Make your own REDNECK ART

Site HERE.

Doc Ellis LSD No Hitter....

The Lung Flute

The Wire: 100 Great Quotes

Demi Hotter by the Day....

Guess who cut the cheese....

thanks Curtis...

Cannibals sold body parts to kebab vendor

From Reuters:

"After carrying out the crime, the corpse was divided up: part was eaten and part was also sold to a kiosk selling kebabs and pies," the prosecutor's main investigative unit for the Perm region said."

Story HERE.

Placenta fluid massage....WTF

Dutch soccer player Robin van Persie who plays for the Arsenal and Netherlands teams is seeking an unusual medical treatment for partially-torn ankle ligaments that have sidelined him. He's headed to Serbia for a massage with placenta fluid. From The Guardian:

Speaking to Dutch television programme Studio Voetbal, the Arsenal striker revealed: "I will fly to the Balkans to meet with a female doctor who helped [PSV Eindhoven midfielder] Danko Lazovic. She is vague about her methods but I know she massages you using fluid from a placenta. I am going to try. It cannot hurt and, if it helps, it helps. I have been in contact with Arsenal physiotherapists and they have let me do it."

Whole story HERE.

If Pot was Legal...

The Joy of Reading Online

Collaboration for a Cause

Artist Shepard Fairey and photographer Glen E. Friedman collaborated on the image above, adapted from a photograph Friedman took of legendary skateboarder Jim Muir. The poster went on sale for $80 on November 19, in a limited edition of 450, signed and numbered by the artists and by Muir. A portion of proceeds will be used to pay Muir's medical bills as he was badly injured in a surfing accident earlier this year.

Get it HERE.

AGAIN?....But he's not a Vampire....?

Can she actually cook?

Shauna wrote Carrie a letter....

Here is a piece of this GEM:

I went to the meeting full of rage. During the meeting, however, I realized that I could actually take control of the situation. Instead of spending thousands of dollars in legal fees for a lawsuit that could take months or even years to be resolved, I could actually turn things around.

I told Steven that I wanted to eliminate any compensation to the third party since it was my movie that I not only starred in, but also directed and added the music to. I also told him that I wanted to be involved in the marketing of the movie as I really cared about it.

I’m really glad I made that decision. I’m proud of my body and of the passion that I felt during the making of the movie which became “Shauna Sand Exposed.”

Why don’t you consider taking control yourself and handle this situation on your own
terms so that you are in the driver’s seat. It all starts with a telephone call to Steven to find out what your options are. I’d be happy to talk to you one-on-one about how I did it.

Eyes,Lips,Eyes,Lips

The Definition of CRAZY?

Tisdale goes 2 Piece...

Don’t ask Robert Pattinson if he is dating Kristen Stewart

Lamberts handlers Homophobic

Story HERE.

A Little Fishy....

One guy ruins a mustache and an indian symbol for everyone

The Needless Markup Christmas Catalog

See it HERE.

250k Finger

Story HERE.

Sunnygram- A Great IDEA...

Visit the website HERE.

Ted Levi Ted Levi

Microsoft Store Employees attempting to look...."cool"

And then they went and got a room...

unintentionally funny books

Way more HERE.

Just Another Day In Hollywood

A Mike Lohan Moment

Elliot Osher, the former owner of Scores strip club in NYC, tells Rush & Molloy that Michael Lohan once ordered up a LiLo look-alike to dance for him . Elliot said, "Lindsay Lohan's father once sat down and described the kind of dancer he was looking for. We sent some girls over. Funny, they all seemed to look like Lindsay."

Facebook on PS3 TODAY!

Enrique Iglesias rare video

Kanye West hanging out in Rome...