Saturday, December 31, 2005

Offbeat Escapades : 2005 A Year In Review

Alongside tragedies, wars and natural disasters the year just ending brought its share of unusual, outrageous, and just downright silly news items.

- In Denmark, a 43-year-old man was sentenced to two months in prison for passing himself off as a bona fide prisoner and thereby spending a night voluntarily behind bars. Per Thorbjoern Lonka said he carried out the prank in order to prove that rich people could easily pay someone else to serve their prison terms. The prison guards who locked him up failed to ask for his identity papers.

- A canny youth serving a sentence for assault in a Scottish jail escaped by virtue of the fact that his identical twin was also incarcerated there, but was due for release. When the brother's name was called, his twin presented himself, and was duly let out. The authorities then had little choice but to free the brother as well.

- A court in the Swiss city of Zurich ruled that owners of very short cars could pay only half a parking fine, provided that two of them could really fit into one space. A couple who owned two tiny city runabouts had done just that, but needless to say the parking attendant had stuck a fine on both their vehicles.

- Tired of hearing reports of visitors paying grossly inflated prices for taxi rides in his city, the mayor of Prague disguised himself as an Italian visitor -- and promptly unmasked a driver whose meter ran at over six times the normal rate. "Disguised the way I was, I was certainly expecting to be charged a higher price, but not to such an outrageous extent," he said.

- Local lawmakers in the US state of Virginia threw out a bill that would have banned young people from wearing baggy falling-down trousers, which are currently all the rage. "Underwear is called underwear for a reason" said the congressman who sought the measure.

- Forty-six students in Thailand were banned from the military for life after they tried to cheat their way through the army entrance exam via mobile phones concealed in their shoes.

- A woman in the US city of Norwalk, Connecticut filed a lawsuit against the local authorities for exposing her to colleagues' perfumes and colognes in her job as a municipal clerk. She cited a serious allergy.

- A couple in California pleaded guilty to trying to extort money from a major hamburger restaurant chain after claiming to have found a human fingertip in a bowl of chili. The court found that the fingertip was placed there on purpose, and had been purchased for 100 dollars from a construction worker who lost it in an industrial accident.

- The local council in the northern English resort town of Blackpool enacted an employment rights charter for the donkeys that carry tourists along the beach. The animals won regulated working hours and a day off each week.

- A German woman who was mistakenly recorded as being dead by her local pensions office was asked to provide documentary proof that she was, in fact, alive.

- When World Trade Organisation negotiators rolled into Hong Kong for a major summit, digital piracy figured prominently on their busy agenda. Strange to relate, many of the bustling outlets that usually sell music CDs, DVDs and software in the city decided to shut down for the duration of the talks.

- In a inversion of the familiar Third World call centre set-up, a British man was fined for advertising his "sex chat" phone line as offering "Filipina girls," when the women in question were in fact working from central England. He was unmasked when clients found the alleged "Filipinas" had strangely familiar accents.

- A Swiss woman sees colours and experiences tastes when she hears music, scientists at the University of Zurich in Switzerland reported. The rare phenomenon, known as synaesthesia, was confirmed in a 27-year-old professional musician, who saw violet on hearing an F sharp and red on a middle C.

- Researchers at National University in La Jolla, California, threw a dinner party and then analysed the leftovers to see if their guests left significant DNA samples on them. Complete profiles were recovered from 43 percent of the sample, and partial ones from 33 percent. Such work could be useful in catching burglars, who often like tucking into the food found in their victims' kitchens.

- African elephants have at least one thing in common with parrots: they imitate sounds they hear around them, said scientists in the United States and Norway. A captive female jumbo in Kenya was found to imitate the noise of trucks on a nearby road, while a male kept with Asian elephants at a zoo in Switzerland mimicked their chirping noises.

- Enterprising students at Brown University in the United States invented an alarm clock that monitors its user's brainwaves and works out the best time to wake him or her up. The only drawback: the sleeper must wear a headband equipped with electrodes.

- Alexis Lemaire, a 24-year-old student in Reims, France, claimed a world record for working out the 13th root of a 200-digit number by mental arithmetic. The feat, checked by a notary, took him 48 minutes and 51 seconds.

- Also in the maths department, Akira Haraguchi, a 59-year-old psychiatric counselor in Japan, recited from memory the value of "pi," a constant which consists of an infinite string of digits, to 83,431 decimal places. It took him 13 hours to beat the previous record, also set by a Japanese, of a mere 54,000 digits.

- The guardians of animal nomenclature had mixed feelings over a proposal to name three newly-discovered species of slime-mould beetle after US President George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. A pair of insect experts reserved the names Agathidium bushi, Agathidium cheneyi and Agathidium rumsfeldi for their latest creepy-crawlies.

- An odd-looking rodent spotted on sale for meat in a Laotian food market turned out to be not only a new species but also the first member of a new family of mammals to be identified in more than three decades. An alert member of the New York-based Wildlife Conservation Society noticed the creature, which was baptised a stone-dwelling puzzle-mouse -- or, more simply, "rock rat".

- Cane toads, reptiles imported into Australia in the erroneous belief that they would eliminate pests from sugar-cane fields, are attracted by disco-style flashing lights, said researchers in the Northern Territory who are desperate to find a way of eliminating the fast-spreading creatures. "The old toads are definitely a disco animal," said a member of a group called Frogwatch.

- The fashion for television detective series which focus on forensic science may be unwittingly providing tips to real-world criminals, a study by British researchers said. Some forensic scientists were even becoming unwilling to cooperate with the media for precisely that reason.

- Proof that scientists have a sense of humor: the annual Ig Nobel awards, which give spoof prizes to the most offbeat research. This year's crop went to the inventor of an alarm that rings then runs away and hides, thus ensuring that the sleeper has to get up to turn it off... to scientists who researched whether humans swim faster in syrup rather than in water... to British boffins who analysed the electrical activity of a locust's brain cell while the insect watched a "Star Wars" movie... and to a German team that calculated the pressure produced in penguins' anuses when the birds expel their poop..

Friday, December 30, 2005

Tattoo Hell Returns: NO WAY !!!!

Long Haul Truckers Secret Revealed: Pee in Bottle and Throw it out The Window

A 54-year-old Nebraska man was arrested by Clive police Thursday for Christmas deliveries nobody wants: large bottles of urine.

"We've got a Grinch that has been lobbing urine," Clive Police Chief Robert Cox said. "Since this fall, we've had eight to 10 incidents reported where people have found containers full of urine thrown into their backyards."

Reno Tobler, a truck driver whose route regularly brings him to the Des Moines area, was charged with littering and harassment for throwing laundry detergent-size bottles of his urine into backyards of Forest Avenue residents. The properties back University Avenue's north side in Clive.

Clive Police Officer Dennis Evans caught Tobler in the act just after midnight Wednesday while driving in the 10500 block of University Avenue.

Evans reported he saw Tobler walking on the sidewalk and holding a paper sack. As he drove past and looked in his rearview mirror, Evans reportedly saw Tobler throw the sack over a fence that separates the sidewalk from the nearby backyards.

Evans confronted Tobler, who denied he had thrown anything and said he had put the sack back in his coat, where he had a number of empty sacks.

Evans continued questioning Tobler, who later admitted he had thrown something over the fence. A search of area yards turned up three urine-filled bottles.

Tobler told police it was a longtime practice to fill the bottles and dump them while driving. A search of his truck, which was parked in the Best Buy parking lot at 4100 University Ave. in West Des Moines, turned up numerous other bottles that had been filled with urine.

Tobler was taken to the Polk County Jail and was later released after posting a $500 bond. Police said he had no known prior arrests.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

People You'd Like to See Fat

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The Santa Files

OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla., Dec. 5, 1978: Police are on the look-out for Santa after dozens of fans attending a Moody Blues concert paid him to park their cars in a lot near the auditorium. When they returned, they found their cars had been towed because it wasn't a parking lot, and Santa didn't own it.

MARINETTE, Wis., Nov. 17, 1980: Firefighters responded to an emergency call at the Dome Motor Inn where they found Santa Claus stuck in the chimney. It took half an hour to free him.

CAPE JUNCTION, Ore., Dec. 21, 1980: Santa was cited by wildlife officials for exhibiting three blacktail deer in a Christmas display without a permit. Said Santa, "I doubt if the handful of children standing around yesterday will ever forget the time they saw Santa Claus get a ticket."

LONDON, December 1981: Santa Claus landed in a magistrate's court for punching a teen-ager who had sprayed him with foam. "I told the kid to go away, but he wouldn't listen," Santa said, "so I gave him a clip around the ear."

LONDON, Dec. 3, 1981: Two Santas were hauled before a magistrate after getting into a fistfight when they both showed up on the same street corner to sell merchandise. Said the arresting officer, Constable Derek Spencer, "The fur was really flying."

EVERETT, Wash., December 1982: A department store took away Santa's job on the grounds that he was a she. The Bon store insisted Mr. Claus could only be a lesser paid Mrs. Claus. A woman Santa was too confusing for kids, the store said. Santa objected. Children don't mind a female Santa Claus, she said, "because when you get into a Santa suit, all they see is your nose and eyes."

CHARLESTON, W. Va., December 1982: A "greetings" company announced its newest offering for the holiday season: a stripping Santa Claus. For a mere $10 a minute, Santa would go to Christmas parties and shuck off his red suit, white beard and black boots until he is down to Santa's bikini briefs. "He's just gorgeous," said Sandy Sowell, president of Best Wishes. "I'm sure he'll go over big, if you know what I mean."

PENSACOLA, Fla., December 1982: Santa Claus sued the mall that fired him, charging religious discrimination. Santa said he was Jewish.

CHATHAM, England, Dec. 19, 1983: Santa was hauled away after he aimed a punch at a young visitor to "Santa's Grotto." Police said Santa was riled by what he considered the boy's cheekiness and swung on him. The kid ducked, and Santa hit the next boy in line. "Unfortunately," a store spokesman said, "Santa lost his cool."

WAUKENGAN, Ill., Dec. 9, 1995: Santa Claus was arrested at the Lakehurst Mall after slugging a supervisor at a shopping center. Assistant State's Attorney George Strickland said the supervisor objected to Santa's practice of instructing kids to say, "School sucks," while having their pictures taken with him. After the supervisor told him to knock it off, Santa clocked him.

and now I have seen TATTOO HELL...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Man Pleads No Contest to Cattle Relations

NEILLSVILLE, Wis. -A 64- year-old man has pleaded no contest to charges in Clark County Circuit Court after telling police he regularly had been using calves for sexual gratification.

Harold G. Hart was placed on two years probation Thursday and ordered to have psychological counseling and an alcohol and drug abuse assessment after pleading to charges of sexual gratification with an animal and disorderly conduct.

According to the criminal complaint, the family living on the farm Hart visited, installed a motion sensor because they had seen suspicious footprints and vehicle tracks.

When the sensor sounded, Hart was caught leaving the barn. He later told police the farm was a routine stop, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Marshfield or Neillsville.

Hart told police he had gone to the farm at least 50 times in the last year, sometimes two to four times in a week.

Say Cheese...

Monday, December 26, 2005

Donut Drive-through?

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Never Fart in a Wetsuit

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Happy Holidays 2005

Hooters 2006 Calender

Friday, December 23, 2005

Chocolate VooDoo Doll

Ever been burned by a bad relationship, or wanted to get back at your lousy boss or a conniving coworker? Break out our new Chocolate Voodoo Doll and exact some sweet revenge! First, carve the offender's initials into the doll, and then let the games begin -- try boring holes in strategic places, dissolving extremities in boiling milk, or simply biting the doll's head off. (Or, bring a burning candle closer and closer, and watch your doll start to sweat!)

The best part is savoring the delicious semi-sweet chocolate, knowing that each crunch is taking its toll somewhere.Spell pamphlet and directions for use included; doll is made of 5 oz. of solid gourmet semi-sweet chocolate. Yum.

You can get it HERE.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Truffle Bar

There are chic little chocolate boutiques in many U.S. cities these days, offering up the most precious and exotic itsy-bits of cocoa-derived deliciousness So, it makes sense that you think you've seen it all when it comes to your favorite edible emotional crutch. But these bold hand-painted triangular truffle bars will wow even the most jaded chocoholic.

These eye-catching 8-inch loaves of sliceable truffle are filled with contrasting layers of silky smooth milk chocolate (yum!), rich hazelnut puree (oh god!), white chocolate infused with caramel (no way!), dark chocolate (stop salivating!), and a hint of ground hazelnut (nice touch!).

The only problem: the bars are so aesthetically pleasing that you'll admire and observe them until, at last, you cut off just one more little teeny tiny sliver -- or four.Made with Guittard milk chocolate, organic cream, white chocolate, caramel, dark French vanilla chocolate, and hazelnut. Truffle measures approximately 8" in length. 12 oz.

You can get it right HERE.

A great little site to piss away a couple hours, check them out...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

say what...???

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Today in Entertainment History

(Dec. 20) -- On December 20th, 1958, George Harrison, Paul McCartney and John Lennon performed as The Quarrymen at the wedding reception of Harrison's brother, Harry.

In 1967, singer Ian Anderson and bassist Glenn Cornick formed Jethro Tull.

Also in 1967, singer Jimmy Rodgers was beaten during a roadside attack in Los Angeles. He had to have three brain operations and had a steel plate put into his skull.

In 1968, author John Steinbeck died in New York at age 66.

In 1973, singer Bobby Darin died during open heart surgery. He was 37.

In 1975, former James Gang member Joe Walsh joined The Eagles. He replaced Bernie Leadon, who left The Eagles for a solo career.

In 1981, the musical "Dreamgirls," which was loosely based on the career of Diana Ross and the Supremes, premiered on Broadway.

In 1986, Randy Travis joined the Grand Ole Opry.

In 1995, the members of The Drifters were forbidden to leave Guyana after a series of concerts. They owed about four-thousand dollars in entertainment taxes.

The Sweet Sound of Revenge

A great way to get back at those noisy neighbors! Give them a taste of their own medicine with any one of these 20 ear-splitting sound effect tracks.

Anyone who's ever lived in an apartment will really appreciate this hilarious CD! Earplugs supplied for your listening pleasure.

Imported from France.Tracks include: 1) Drill; 2) Party (At Least 200 People); 3) Orgasm (Outstanding); 4) Train; 5) Drum (Played by a Child); 6) Inhuman Screams; 7) Walking (High Heels); 8) Domestic Squabble; 9) Doors Banging; 10) Bowling; 11) Unhappy Dog; 12) Practicing Scales (Violin); 13) Traffic Jam; 14) Garbage Truck; 15) Newborn; 16) Phone Ringing; 17) Ball Game; 18) Pigeons; 19) Spring Cleaning; and 20) Cock-a-Doodle-Doo!

You can order it HERE.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Extreme Ice Racing

Sunday, December 18, 2005

The War on Animal Abuse

SO as we spend billions of dollars to help the people of Iraq, one could ask themselves WHY?, well since our boys have billions of dollars of technology and spare time on their hands its easy to keep and EYE on those who we are there to help, just look HERE.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

The one that got away...

Friday, December 16, 2005

Santa Takes a Drink

The Holiday Spirits...and more

The Boobies for Peace Advent Calender right HERE.

Wesley Willis Holiday Song right HERE.

Santa Busted right HERE.

Christmas lights right HERE.

Sure he was a pain in the ass, we just had no idea what he was talking about...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

500-Pound Man Accused Of Fast-Food Scam

A 500-pound man in Seminole County, Fla., was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of scamming fast-food restaurants out of large amounts of milk shakes and tacos, according to a Local 6 News report.

Investigators said George Jolicoeur, 33, would visit fast-food businesses and order food.

Jolicoeur would then call or visit the restaurants posing as a police officer or a firefighter and ask for a refund because there was a hair in his food, according to the report.

"He would come back and say, 'Oh, there is something wrong with it,'" Seminole County Sheriff's spokesman Steve Olson said. "There was a hair in my shake or there was a hair in my tacos. And, then he wants his money back."

Jolicoeur was captured after he went to a Steak N' Shake restaurant near Oviedo and Taco Bell in Central Florida and allegedly tried to get money back for the food he ordered.

Local 6 News reported that Jolicoeur has been arrested more than 24 times on charges of burglary, drugs and domestic problems, Local 6 News reported.

"Jolicoeur's rap sheet is as thick as a book," Local 6 reporter Chris Trenkmann said. "When he was first checked into the jail in 1991, he weighed 360 pounds. This morning, the jail weighed him at 500 pounds."

Police in Sanford, Fla., and other cities are investigating the possibility that Jolicoeur was scamming area restaurants, Trenkmann said.

He remains in the Seminole County Jail facing several charges.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Govenator kills Tookie 12.13.05

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger refused to block the execution of Stanley Tookie Williams, rejecting the notion that the founder of the murderous Crips gang had atoned for his crimes and found redemption on death row. With the U.S. Supreme Court rejecting his final appeal, Williams, 51, was set to die by injection at San Quentin Prison early Tuesday for murdering four people during two 1979 holdups.

Williams' case became one of the nation's biggest death-row cause celebres in decades. It set off a nationwide debate over the possibility of redemption on death row, with Hollywood stars and capital punishment foes arguing that Williams had made amends by writing children's books about the dangers of gangs.

But Schwarzenegger suggested Monday that Williams' supposed change of heart was not genuine, noting that the inmate had not owned up to his crimes or shown any real remorse for the countless killings committed by the Crips.

"Is Williams' redemption complete and sincere, or is it just a hollow promise?" Schwarzenegger wrote less than 12 hours before the execution. "Without an apology and atonement for these senseless and brutal killings, there can be no redemption."

Schwarzenegger of course left all this to his legal staff to write and didnt have the sense to go to SQ and ask Mr Williams himself, duh, maybe it was all those years of ROIDS Arnie took clouding his judgement, serves him right after LOSING all the ballot initiatives in november, if everyone WRITES in TOOKIE WILLIAMS name for Gov. in ARNIES SPOT NEXT NOVEMBER...

And people thought i was nuts for voting for GARY COLMAN.... In the Holiday Spirit

Sometimes a company uses the proper mix of media and season to get right to the heart and soul of their target audience, this year the folks at Ann Summers have really caught the Spirit of Christmas, you can see it HERE.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Zappa Plays Zappa 2006

The First Duly Authorized & Certified Frank Zappa Respective! And Perspective! Zappa Brothers Dweezil & Ahmet have called together many mighty musicians to join them in playing the Music of Frank Zappa - Live!

Authentic: This is the first OFFICIAL presentation of Frank Zappa Music since the Composer himself departed for his final tour in 1993.

Authoritative: Subjecting themselves to mastering QUITE A BIT of the most challenging repertoire ever conceived for a Rock & Roll stage, warble-monster Ahmet and shred-fisted Dweezil will be taking ZAPPA PLAYS ZAPPA on the road. The Tour de Frank launches in Spring 2006 for the ever-popular hygienic European version following final finishing touches in France!
Ahmet Zappa (lead vocals) & Dweezil Zappa (lead guitar)


This Deep Dish Extravaganza will include a FRENZY of Mysterious Entertainment DELIGHTS - Lights! Music! Action! Real Musicians - You never know who might show up onstage! Spotlights! Stars! Also featuring exciting filmic adventures from the life of a Composer - A MAN WHO WROTE DOTS ON PAPER!

NO TWO SHOWS THE SAME: That's right, Folks! Don't touch that dial! Expect the Unexpected! Expect the long-anticipated release of Frank Zappa's TRANCE-FUSION. Coincidence? Uh uh! Guitar fans welcome!

For more snazzy impertinence check out

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Now this brightens up the holidays doesn't it?

Bong Vodka?

So...let me get this straight, Tommy Chong goes to jail for producing smoking devices and these guys are free and clear...hummm....guess THE MAN wasn't making some weird statement by putting the 1970's comic legend in the BIG HOUSE, check out the hooch and "interesting reuseable bottle " HERE.

Disney patents multi-visit mobile content downloads at fast food joints

Now that you can’t SuperSize anymore , I bet you have been wondering what to do with all that extra change left over from your Big Mac meals.

Well patent sleuth extraordinaire Barry Fox has uncovered a filing that suggests Disney has a plan to relieve us of that pesky change by selling us a slice of digital content pie with each Arby’s Melt or Chalupa or Six Dollar Burger.

With so many people carrying around media storage-rich mobile devices, Disney figures it can charge you to trickle, say, one-fifth of a movie each morning when you hit Wendy’s for a Frosty and chili.

The system proposes using either WiFi or Bluetooth for content transfer, and could possibly even include giveaway devices. Why? Well, it benefits the restaurant by encouraging the customer to return several times in order to finish downloading classic american films like The Porkys Trilogy, y’know?

Vinnie Jones: Soccer Legend

Vinnie Jones was a professional soccer player who currently holds the record for fastest yellow card (3 seconds). This incident took place in 1987. The unfortunate chap on the receiving end is Newcastle United's Paul Gascoigne. I don't think Vinnie ever expected to be caught on film for it but the shot has been immortalized by soccer fans. He's definitely soccer's ultimate mean machine .

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Richard Pryor gone at age 65

Richard Pryor, the caustic yet perceptive actor-comedian who lived dangerously close to the edge both on stage and off, has died, his ex-wife said Saturday. He was 65.

Pryor died of a heart attack at his home in the San Fernando Valley sometime late Friday or early Saturday, Flyn Pryor said. He had been ill for years with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the nervous system.

A Short Study of Comparative Religion

Tao: Shit happens.

Islam: When shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Hindu: This shit happened many times before.

Hare Krisha: Shit happens rama rama ding ding.

Confucian: Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: When shit happens, it it really shit?

Zen buddhism: What is the sound of shit happening?

Judaism: Oy vey, why does this shit happen to me?

Catholic: When shit happens, I deserve it.

Protestant: Shit won't happen if I work harder.

Mormon: Can we sell this shit to the Gentiles?

Jehovah's Witness: Knock, knock, shit happens.

7th Day Adventist: Holy Shit!

Unitarian: It's all good shit.

Pentacostal: Praise this shit!

Agnostic: What is this shit?

Atheism: There is no shit.

New Age: I feel your shit.

Rastafarian: Let's smoke this shit!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Gary stared longingly into the barrel of his NEW NAIL GUN ...then...

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Lawsuit over ape's 'nipple fetish' settled

Two women who had taken care of Koko, a gorilla who communicates with humans by sign language, have settled a lawsuit charging the president of its sanctuary urged them to show their breasts to the ape, a lawyer said on Thursday.

Nancy Alperin and Kendra Keller had sued the Woodside, California-based Gorilla Foundation, claiming its president had pressed them to bare their breasts for Koko to help bond with the gorilla.

The two said foundation President Francine Patterson would interpret hand movements by Koko as a demand to see human nipples. They declined and were later fired in an act of retaliation for not indulging what the lawsuit called Koko's "nipple fetish."

The lawyer for the foundation said the two were fired for different reasons and that a county court earlier this year dismissed their sexual harassment and wrongful termination charges.
Attorney Todd Roberts said the foundation agreed to settle the lawsuit to get on with its work. Terms of the settlement were confidential, he added.

"We denied all of the allegations in the complaint and continue to deny the allegations," Roberts said.

Stephen Sommers, a lawyer for the two women, declined to comment on the lawsuit and its settlement.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

A Holiday Gift from

Those fine folks from have come up with a free gift for all of you, yes inappropriate gift tags...

As you can see from the sample above, it's all WRONG as only these folks can do it....

You can download a sheet for free right HERE.

Happy Holidays...

Holiday Farm History 101

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Ric Flair Surrenders

WWE Wrestler Ric "The Nature Boy" Flair surrendered this morning to North Carolina cops on misdemeanor charges that he throttled a fellow motorist during a road rage incident last week on Interstate 485.

The 56-year-old Flair (real name: Richard Fliehr) was booked this morning at the Mecklenburg County Sheriff's Office, where the below mug shot was snapped. Flair, who allegedly grabbed a Charlotte man by the throat and kicked (and dented) the guy's Toyota during the November 23 confrontation, posted $1000 bond and was released.

According to an arrest warrant, after roughing up Robert Steele, Flair told him that he "had his tag number and should knock the shit out of him." Flair is facing simple assault and battery and injury to personal property charges.


Man sentenced in meth-from-urine mishap

There was a scientific method to Daniel Zeiszler's madness when he tried to extract methamphetamine from his own urine, after smoking the illegal street drug last September in his South San Francisco hotel room.

But Zeiszler's experiment went dangerously awry when he spilled some solvent on himself, then lit a cigarette while he contemplated his next move, starting a fire that burned his right hand and arm.The hotel was evacuated. Firefighters were summoned. So were hazardous materials experts.Zeiszler, a 22-year-old employee of a San Francisco recycling depot, landed in jail.Zeiszler, who pleaded no contest to a charge of manufacturing methamphetamine in November, was sentenced Friday to five months in prison -- with credit for time served -- and three years' probation by San Mateo County Superior Court Judge Robert Foiles."Did you know you can get methamphetamine from urine?" asked an incredulous Steve Wagstaffe, San Mateo County chief deputy district attorney, in an interview after the sentencing. "The methodology this guy used would work, but it would take bottles and bottles of urine -- not one void of a bladder."Make that gallons of urine, said William Johnston, Zeiszler's attorney, who described his client's attempt to reclaim excreted methamphetamine from his urine as a "really, really silly" move.

Methamphetamine, a powerful stimulant that produces an intense rush, can also cause convulsions, strokes, stomach cramps, shaking, cardiac arrhythmia and a dangerous rise in body temperature."I suspect that, more than anything, Steve was doing this as an intellectual proposition," said Johnston, adding that Zeiszler had no record of prior arrests. "He is a bright, articulate young man who was wasting his life playing around with this stuff.

Anybody who would -- for fun -- read a chemistry text should be in school instead of sitting in San Mateo County Jail."Which is exactly where he intends to be after he is released, Zeiszler told the judge at his sentencing.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Worlds Hardest Quiz

The December 2005 issue of ESQUIRE contains quite possibly the greatest quiz contest since the invention of Trivial Pursuit.

Check out the questions HERE, and after you have given it your best shot, the answers can be found HERE.

Count the number of black dots...

Sunday, December 04, 2005

He went THAT WAY....

Just another guy walking like he had a pole up his butt...

'Lewd rubbing' shuts Paris statue

Officials were concerned about damage to the effigy's groin area Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris has fenced off a famous tomb to prevent lewd acts being performed on a statue.

The effigy of 19th Century journalist known as Victor Noir has long been popular with women visitors.

This is partly due to his reputation as a romantic figure, and partly because of the effigy's design.
Officials concerned about damage to the icon's groin area have erected a fence around the grave, and a sign prohibiting indecent rubbing.

Noir - whose real name was Yvan Salman - was killed by Pierre Bonaparte, a great-nephew of the Emperor Napoleon, after bearing him a challenge to a duel.

According to the story, he was due to get married the day after he was killed.

The statue shows Noir in a frock coat and trousers lying flat on his back, with a distinct enlargement in the groin.

The effigy has been held as an aid to love or fertility.

It is said that a woman who kisses the lips of the prostrate statue and slips a flower into the upturned top hat will find a husband by the end of the year.

The new sign warns: "Any damage caused by graffiti or indecent rubbing will be prosecuted."

Ya gotta love a good snow....

2029 Newspaper Headlines

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally... scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

What else would you do with 15 million ice cream sticks?

A replica Viking ship made of 15 million ice cream sticks is to be launched in Amsterdam on Tuesday . The 15-meter ship, which took Robert McDonald two years to build, is to be launched in Amsterdam harbor with a crew of around 25 in a bid to set a world record for the largest sailing ship made of ice cream sticks.

The Viking longship, equipped with oars and a mast, is built with sticks of birch-wood glued together painstakingly by McDonald and two volunteers in a Dutch workshop. It is to be put through its paces for around 90 minutes Tuesday. "It's a dream come true. It's truly worth all the hard work," McDonald said Monday. "I never want to look at glue again. I don't think I will be in a hurry to look at ice cream sticks again," said the 45-year-old from Jacksonville, Florida.

The ice cream sticks used to make the ship were provided by Unilever's ice cream maker OLA and by children who collected discarded sticks around the world. McDonald, whose Sea Heart Foundation ( helps provide leisure activities for children in hospitals, hopes to sail his Viking ship across the Atlantic next year. "That's still the ultimate goal, to sail across the Atlantic in the Viking-style," McDonald said. Christopher Columbus was acclaimed for centuries as the man who discovered America in 1492.

But in recent decades, more evidence has come to light showing that Icelander Leif Ericsson and the Vikings were the first Europeans to set foot on the American continent in the year 1,000. Viking longboats let Norse warriors land, pillage and plunder large parts of Europe and sail off knowing that no other vessels could catch up.

Friday, December 02, 2005

you know your having a bad day .....

...Husband and wife discover they are siblings

Phnom Penh - A Cambodian man's joy turned to dismay after he discovered that his long-lost mother, who had survived the bloody Khmer Rouge regime, is also the mother of his wife. Tep Song, 35, and his wife Tep Ly, 38, had been removed from their village in the southern province of Svay Rieng and separated by Khmer Rouge troops in 1975 when they were five and eight, respectively.

The pair told aid workers they met again when Song was 17 and extremely ill in hospital in neighbouring Takeo province and Ly was assigned as his nurse. They fell in love and married soon afterwards, unaware that they had any more in common than having been born in the same province.

The couple had believed that the rest of their families had been wiped out. But Song, an itinerant worker, saved everything they had to make a trip to his home village to search for any surviving family - where he discovered his mother, Thit Sohn, 77. "At first, of course, they were overjoyed, but then the son and mother began naming other relatives who had been murdered," Prom Bopha of the Collect Safe of People (CSP) aid agency said in a telephone interview. "Ly was surprised, and told them these were also her relatives' names, and then they discovered they shared the same childhood memories, and before long they realised that they had the same father and mother," said Prom Bopha, whose group is caring for the family. "It should have been a time of great joy, but now the mother cries all day and all night," Prom Bopha said. "They are surprised and very upset and all three are now very ill."

The couple has four children, aged between 14 years and 14 months. The ultra-Maoist Khmer Rouge ruled Cambodia between 1975 to 1979. Up to two million Cambodians died during the regime's drive to turn the nation into an agrarian utopia, free of class systems, markets and money. The regime emptied the cities and often removed children from parents to more easily indoctrinate them. Thousands of Cambodians are still searching for family members.

Quotes of the Year 2005

Welcome to the Media Research Center’s annual awards issue, a compilation of the most outrageous and/or humorous news media quotes from 2005 (December 2004 through November 2005). To determine this year’s winners, a panel of 52 radio talk show hosts, magazine editors, columnists, editorial writers and media observers each selected their choices for the first, second and third best quote from a slate of six to nine quotes in each category. First place selections were awarded three points, second place choices two points, with one point for the third place selections. Point totals are listed in the brackets at the end of the attribution for each quote. Each judge was also asked to choose a "Quote of the Year" denoting the most outrageous quote of 2005. The winner and top runner-up appear on page eight.

The whole list with runners up can be seen HERE.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Police Considering Charges In Cemetery Wrestling Case

A group of teens who decided to tape an amateur wrestling show in a local cemetery could soon be facing charges.

The show was taped at an old cemetery in Apollo.

In one scene, a teen throws another teen onto a surface of Christmas ornaments and thumbtacks.

Laughter can be heard above the cries of pain from the bloody boys.

Police are looking at the evidence and deciding whether or not to file charges.
The charges would involve the location where the matches were staged.

You can watch the action HERE.

Beautiful Agony

Beautiful Agony is dedicated to the beauty of human orgasm. This may be the most erotic thing you have ever seen, yet the only nudity it contains is from the neck up. That's where people are truly naked.

The videos were made in private by the contributor (and sometimes their partner). We don't know what they're doing, or how they are doing it, we just know it's real and it's sexy as hell. Make your ears blush by putting on your headphones and turning the sound to eleven.

Yes, there are free samples. Look for the ones with the red borders and the text underneath that says 'free sample'.

New agony comes five times per week (at least).

They all have sound.

Check them out HERE.