The Santa Files

OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla., Dec. 5, 1978: Police are on the look-out for Santa after dozens of fans attending a Moody Blues concert paid him to park their cars in a lot near the auditorium. When they returned, they found their cars had been towed because it wasn't a parking lot, and Santa didn't own it.

MARINETTE, Wis., Nov. 17, 1980: Firefighters responded to an emergency call at the Dome Motor Inn where they found Santa Claus stuck in the chimney. It took half an hour to free him.

CAPE JUNCTION, Ore., Dec. 21, 1980: Santa was cited by wildlife officials for exhibiting three blacktail deer in a Christmas display without a permit. Said Santa, "I doubt if the handful of children standing around yesterday will ever forget the time they saw Santa Claus get a ticket."

LONDON, December 1981: Santa Claus landed in a magistrate's court for punching a teen-ager who had sprayed him with foam. "I told the kid to go away, but he wouldn't listen," Santa said, "so I gave him a clip around the ear."

LONDON, Dec. 3, 1981: Two Santas were hauled before a magistrate after getting into a fistfight when they both showed up on the same street corner to sell merchandise. Said the arresting officer, Constable Derek Spencer, "The fur was really flying."

EVERETT, Wash., December 1982: A department store took away Santa's job on the grounds that he was a she. The Bon store insisted Mr. Claus could only be a lesser paid Mrs. Claus. A woman Santa was too confusing for kids, the store said. Santa objected. Children don't mind a female Santa Claus, she said, "because when you get into a Santa suit, all they see is your nose and eyes."

CHARLESTON, W. Va., December 1982: A "greetings" company announced its newest offering for the holiday season: a stripping Santa Claus. For a mere $10 a minute, Santa would go to Christmas parties and shuck off his red suit, white beard and black boots until he is down to Santa's bikini briefs. "He's just gorgeous," said Sandy Sowell, president of Best Wishes. "I'm sure he'll go over big, if you know what I mean."

PENSACOLA, Fla., December 1982: Santa Claus sued the mall that fired him, charging religious discrimination. Santa said he was Jewish.

CHATHAM, England, Dec. 19, 1983: Santa was hauled away after he aimed a punch at a young visitor to "Santa's Grotto." Police said Santa was riled by what he considered the boy's cheekiness and swung on him. The kid ducked, and Santa hit the next boy in line. "Unfortunately," a store spokesman said, "Santa lost his cool."

WAUKENGAN, Ill., Dec. 9, 1995: Santa Claus was arrested at the Lakehurst Mall after slugging a supervisor at a shopping center. Assistant State's Attorney George Strickland said the supervisor objected to Santa's practice of instructing kids to say, "School sucks," while having their pictures taken with him. After the supervisor told him to knock it off, Santa clocked him.