Cheaters Never Win...

Gary thought he was being discrete when he took up with that waitress from the local pub, however his wife Lucy found out and decided that a new paint job was in order for his shiny white Ford.

Postal Worker Charged With Pouring Urine In Co-Workers' Coffee

AKRON, Ohio -- An Ohio postal worker was charged with putting urine in the coffee of his co-workers.

Authorities said the co-workers caught him by setting up a video camera in their break room after they became suspicious.

Thomas Shaheen was charged with two misdemeanor counts of adulteration of food or placing harmful objects in food. He was due in court on Monday.

Shaheen worked as a mechanic for the U.S. Postal Service in Akron. Prosecutors said he was unhappy at work.

His co-workers believed he poured urine into a coffee pot in a break room on July 5 and 6. Authorities said no one was harmed.

Jude Law : I see TINKY TINK !!!

Apparently Jude Law , who recently confessed to cheating on fiancée Sienna Miller with his children's nanny, was snapped by paparazzi as he changed into his swimming trunks outside the French home of his mother.

The star's spokesman, Simon Halls, refused to discuss the rumours of Jude's small package, telling the New York Post newspaper: "Oh, please! The guy is on vacation in France, people need to give him a little bit of a break."

It was recently revealed the pool table which Jude and his children's nanny, Daisy Wright, allegedly had sex on is being sold on eBay.

Zookeepers Try To Get Chimpanzee To Stop Smoking

XI'AN, China -- The handlers of a smoking chimpanzee in a zoo in northwest China are trying to get her to kick the habit.

The 26-year-old female chimp has been smoking for 15 years. Her mate died recently, which caused her to smoke even more.

Now, the chimp's keepers are worried about her health as a result of her intense smoking. So, they're trying to give her milk instead of cigarettes.

The chimp got hooked on cigarettes years ago by picking up cigarette butts left by tourists.

In April, a South African zoo, the Bloemfontein Zoo, announced that it wanted its smoking chimp to go cold turkey. Keepers said Charlie also picked up the habit by watching smoking visitors.

People tossed him the smokes and he puffed away. A zoo official said that Charlie "acts like a naughty schoolboy" and hides his cigarettes when workers are around.

A Gay Viewers Guide - 2005 College Football Season

Since it is almost the season, I thought I'd give you a little look into what one guys IDEA is for watching College Football. "The Boi from Troy" sees things, oh WAY FRICKIN DIFFERENT than I'm used too... Drop by HERE,

You will find him very insightful and you will never look at College Football the same AGAIN...OMG!

The BEST part is , he isn't ALONE, the notes on the page are a SIGNPOST TO HELL...but its nice the guys have a place where they belong, like say Rock Hudsons house on a saturday afternoon at GAMETIME....

Good Reading...

Reading is Fundamental

The Ex-President Clinton and his Senator wife Hillary seen here reading to inner city youth in the annual (RIF) Reading is Fundamental (back to basics) program sponsored by Playboy Magazine. Glad to know NOTHING changes with these two...

Company Plans Video-Playing Tombstones

A new company plans to unveil new high-tech tombstones with embedded flat screen monitors that would allow visitors to play memorial videos of the deceased, according to a report.

Joe Joachim, who says he wants to be the Walt Disney of the funeral business, plans to unveil the Vidstone this year at the annual funeral directors convention.

"What we're trying to do is create the ultimate funeral experience," Joachim said. "Funeral directors are realizing it's an important service we can offer, and and we're happy to offer it."

The solar-powered Vidstone will play a video of the person's life at the touch of a button.
It will not have speakers but a jack to plug in headphones at cemeteries.

Some cemeteries are open to the Vidstone but others said it could offend people.
"It could be offensive to some. I don't think it's appropriate or it's been tried enough on the grounds." Mt. Elliott Cemetery Association spokesman Michael Chilcote said.

The report said one of the most popular ways for people to commemorate loved ones is through short films.

The funeral directors convention is held in October in Chicago.

Jennifer Aniston: I see Boobies...

A Really Shitty Day

Contrary to what the title may infer, this post is not about how shitty the news has been lately. It has more to do with the more literal reading of the title, the world it seems is obsessed with stories related to feces .

First, and most shocking, this motherof the year is charged with injecting her toddler son with, yep, you guessed it, feces! It’s not like she was just plain stupid, he used to be a pediatric nurse and should know better, but she didn’t. Stephanie McMullen, 29, was charged with assault and reckless endangerment. Doctors at the hospital where McMullen worked called the police after son had been hospitalized six times since he was 4 months old for "serious, potentially life-threatening illnesses." During one of the many examinations, doctors found E. coli in the boy’s blood. The doctors determined that the only way this fecal bacteria could have entered the bloodstream was "through injection, not consumption." That’s a real shitty way to treat your children lady!

Instead of injecting feces, a guy decided to mail it. Michael D. Pickens is being sued for allegedly mailing garbage and even feces to eBay customers who thought they were bidding for clothing. Pickens posted auctions for all sorts of clothing but after customers bid and won, Pickens arranged for the shipment to come from companies that sell industrial rags, unwanted clothing or household items meant for poor countries. In one case, a customer received feces. People need to realize that you don’t always get the most pristine items from an eBay auction, bid with caution, you may end up with crap.

That’s not all, the shitty news continue.

In a slightly more entertaining story, a swim meet was postoned after someone dumped feces into the swimming pool at the competition site. Over 350 young swimmers were scheduled to attend the meet but were forced to go home. Pool manager Steven Duwell said that he spent 4 hours cleaning and treating the pool with chemicals. He believes that about two large plastic bags full of feces, possibly from an animal of some sort, were dumped in pool. That’s a bunch of bullshit!

But feces doesn’t have to be all that bad you know. In Rwanda, human feces powers a prison! In the prison, the prisoners’ feces is converted into methane gas used for cooking. The process requires putting shit into a "digester" which ferments it using bacteria. Fermentation causes methane to be released which is captured and then burned as fuel. The entire system is self-sustaining as long as it is feed with waste and a supply of bacteria. The lead engineer on the project, Ainea Kimaro, says that within 4 weeks, 100 cubic meters of waste can be transformed into 50 cubic meters of fuel. "Our people are very adaptive," he said. "They see it working; they want to use it." And it doesn’t stop there in case you were wondering, once the methane is produced, the remaining waste is used as an odor-free fertilizer for the gardens at the prison.

Some prisoners do not have those kinds of luxuries, this guy decided to throw feces instead.

Kaazim Muhammad was sentenced to prison for throwing feces at gaurds. Police said Muhammad threw feces on a corrections officer through the meal slot of his cell door. Muhammad laughed and grinned during the sentencing and laughed as he was being led out of the court. What a shithead.

Instead of just throwing it, these chicks decided to put feces on a pizza instead. Four high school cheerleaders were sent home early from cheerleader camp after allegedly putting human feces on a pizza and trying to frame rival cheerleaders for the deed. I knew cheerleaders were competitive, but damn, don’t be shitty sports.

In case you were wondering where the word "shit" came from, straight from wiki:
Scholars trace the word back to Old Norse origin (skīta), and it is virtually certain that it was used in some form by preliterate Germanic tribes at the time of the Roman Empire. It was originally adopted into Old English as scitte, eventually morphing into Middle English schītte. Shit has cognates in many other Indo-European languages, including Greek, where the cognate root skor, skato- has been borrowed into English and forms the basis of scatology and a host of related technical terms.

The most likely common word for shit in Proto-Indo-European would however probably be *kakka, (Cf. Latin Caca, Anglo-Saxon Cac, German Kacke, Kacken(Pooh, to pooh), OIr Cac(Dung), Greek Kakos(Bad) ). This may indeed be the origin of the term "poppycock" (used as a softer form of "bullshit"), through Dutch.

The variant form shite (rhymes with "kite") is found in many regional and social dialects, especially in Scotland and Ireland, and is sometimes used in other parts of the world as a less-offensive (at least in intent) form of the word "shit". A common Irish curse is the phrase Shite and onions!.

Well shite and onions, I had no idea.

iVIBE -WHOOOHOOO lets get physical...

HighJoy, an interactive adult technology company, has partnered with Doc Johnson, the global leader in adult novelties, to revolutionize online dating.

Unlike any other online site, HighJoy.com's online dating and chat community gives members a way to physically interact, miles apart, using Doc Johnson HighJoy Enabled sex toys.

For this historic step in online interaction, Doc Johnson has Internet-enabled two of the company's most popular adult novelties, the famous Doc Johnson iVibe Rabbit (for women) and the Doc Johnson iVibe Controller with egg and sleeve (for men), making them controllable over the Internet as computer peripheral devices.

HighJoy.com community members can independently control the speed and rotation of another's Internet-enabled device.

Members with webcams can even watch the effect they are having on their partner for increased interaction. Both devices can also function disconnected from the computer as stand-alone sex toys.

"The HighJoy.com dating community and Doc Johnson HighJoy Enabled sex toys give cybersex a new level of sophistication," says Amir Vatan, president of HighJoy. "A physical interface for direct stimulation control was the inevitable next evolution for online interaction.

By adding the opportunity for discussion and also the ability to watch the reaction of a partner, online interaction can now be real and controlled by the participants." In celebration of the launch of the HighJoy.com dating community, all membership levels are free-of-charge, for a limited time.

The site includes all traditional features of online dating. Members can post a profile, search profiles, send emails, create favorites, text chat, audio/video chat using a web cam and microphone as well as control the new Internet-enabled peripherals. For monogamous couples, HighJoy created the "One-on-One" membership level.

This membership level allows the couple to privately chat and operate each other's toys, while ensuring against virtual cheating. (YA CAUSE NO ONE IS GONNA CHEAT WITH THIS DREAM MACHINE...hummmm)

For traveling spouses, long-distance relationships and military personnel away from home, distance constraints will no longer prevent intimacy. OR PERVERTS MAYBE?

Security and privacy have been meticulously designed into HighJoy.com's community structure.

Members can "Blacklist" bothersome individuals(close your eyes , we know who they are talking about, don't we), restrict access to risqué profile information and at any time during the consensual remote sessions either participant can disable the remote control of the Internet-enabled sex toy with a click of the mouse on the "Pause / Play" button.

Click HERE and HERE for two of the companies tutorials, and get your checkbook out, cause this stuff has freakshow spelled out in BIG letters all over it....

Doc Johnson HighJoy Enabled products can be purchased at HighJoy.com and other stores that carry Doc Johnson products.

I'M THE IPOD GIRL

(..but I'm too poor to buy an iPod)

THE dancer whose silhouette has helped sell millions of iPods admitted yesterday: "I can't afford to buy one."

Mandy Coulton, 26, was paid less than $1,000 to pose for Apple's hugely successful ad campaign.

But the Los Angeles-based model said she's too poor to buy one of the mini digital music players.

She said: "At the time, $1,500 seemed a lot of money. But now my picture is everywhere. I would like one - but $400 for an iPod is just too much for me.

"I can't justify spending that much money when I have day-to-day stuff to pay for, like the car and the rent.""

Mandy was one of 10 models chosen to front the campaign launched in 2003.
But her pose - in a striped bikini top and jeans with the iPod's distinctive white headphones against her blacked out body - is the most successful.

The pocket-sized player can hold up to 10,000 music tracks. It was created by Apple's British design chief Jonathan Ive and first became available in 2001.

But it took another couple of years before sales exploded. By June this year 15 million had been bought. Even the Queen of England is said to have got one after playing with grandson Harry's.

Apple has also invented the iPod mini - cheaper than the original at $199.00, and smaller shuffle version which starts at $99.00.

When your mother calls...

So your sitting around and your mother calls to tell you one of your "shoe string" relatives passed away, or was killed...briefly you feel sad, then you start asking questions...HE WAS WHAT?, gunned down? by the POLICE? MOM what the heck are you talking about?

Well it turns out that it was like this and now his fiance says this.

Now I don't remember this person, but on the face value of the news, I kinda glad I can't...

To quote those close to him: "Meth is a huge frickin' problem in this town, "It's the biggest problem this town has." It seems he had a drug problem that he couldn't quite get a handle on...

Montana has changed alot since the days of unlimited speed limits and an 18 year old drinking age...

No one is ever as bad as the situation is printed and I'm sure that goes for Justin Toland as well...

For more information on methamphetamine and the assorted issues with it you can check this and this out. It's clearly an epidemic and could use the goverments funding of better programs to help those in need, as evidenced here, the information is way way to easy to come by.

My thoughts and prayers are with those affected by these events...

Bull Fighting for the TINY People

I have always enjoyed a good bullfight, and a good midget wrestling contest for that matter , but when you put them together, well it's just screams LOVEFEST !

It seems that the tradition continues, the rousing trumpet music, the swish of the cape and the shouts of "Ole!" as the bull charges are all familiar to anyone who has seen a bullfight. The unnerving thing in the bullring at this dusty central Mexican town is that bull and bullfighter are standing eye to eye, both about four feet high.The Mexican "dwarf bullfighters" are carrying on a tradition born in Spain along with regular bullfighting, as well as an even longer legacy of "little people" as entertainers.

But they say the ring showcases their skill and comic artistry, making them more than just a curiosity.While the young bullocks they use are half the weight of regular fighting bulls, they are bred to be aggressive and, from a dwarf's perspective, are just as frightening as the real thing."It's scary when you are face to face with a bull. It hurts when you get hit. And it's dangerous if the bull falls on you," said Antonio Garcia.

Before entering the ring, he showed off scars on his head and dental repairs needed after run-ins with bulls."But I like it. I do it more for the fun than the money. I love being an artist, and, thanks to being short, I've had this opportunity to travel tolots of places," he said, grinning.His troupe, which takes its show all over Mexico and the United States, does not fight the bullocks to the death but, like bloodless "corridas" in Portugal and France, it uses traditional bullfighting skills to lure and dodge them.

The small-statured "toreros" wear traditional gold-trimmed matador suits with pink stockings and black slippers and use pink and red capes to perform passes.While the bullock is a constant danger, the show descends into comedy when two dwarf "picadors" enter the ring.Instead of sitting on horses and spearing the bullock with spiked wooden pikes as in real bullfighting, the pair have fleecy pantomime-style dummy horses attached to their sides, providing padding, and their aim is to hit the animal with a squeezy plastic hammer."People laugh a lot at what we do, and that's the point, making the public laugh. It's very satisfying," said Jorge Reyes, 48, who shines shoes during the week and bullfights on the weekends for fun and extra money."It's just like being a normal-sized comic. For me there is no complex, I feel normal," said Reyes, who is married to an ordinary-sized woman and lives in Mexico City.

The troupe's manager, Eduardo Ferandel, says Reyes was overcome with emotion when the show came to his home town several years ago, and for the first time in his life he saw other adults his size. Reyes joined the troupe immediately.A comic event from the start, miniature bullfighting arrived in Mexico around 30 years ago, brought over by some Spanish dwarfs. Ferandel's all-Mexican troupe, the "Original Little Dwarf Bullfighters," started a decade ago.New arrivals learn from observation, rather than taking any formal training, and some bring singing and clowning skills to add a touch of the circus to the bullfighting."Little people," as some prefer to be called, have been entertainers for centuries, being excluded by discrimination or their height handicap from many everyday professions.Achondroplasia, a genetic variation that is the most common form of dwarfism, affects around one in 30,000 to 40,000 people.

Most dwarfs – defined as adults less than 4 feet 10 inches high and having atypically short limbs – are born to normal-sized parents.After being court jesters in the Middle Ages, many were shown off as circus attractions in the 18th and 19th centuries. Around 100 were Munchkins in the 1939 classic "The Wizard of Oz" and 32 inch-high Verne Troyer has achieved movie star status playing cloned villain "Mini Me" in the Austin Powers comedies "The Spy Who Shagged Me" and "Goldmember.""The whole idea is to make people smile and laugh. That's what we live for and it's what we live off," said Garcia, one of two clowns who dodge the bull alongside five bullfighters.

Many dwarfs find it hard to get regular jobs in Mexico, which does not oblige companies to employ a percentage of people with disabilities and offers no financial support.There is no association to help dwarfs deal with everyday challenges like bank counters, supermarket shelves, light switches, urinals and clothes shopping.It's all the more reason to love life in the bullring."They are not laughing at us but at what we are doing and the jokes we make," said bullfighter Ignacio Zaragoza."I am happy as I am," added Rogelio Ayala, a car mechanic when not bullfighting. "I don't envy anybody, I feel lucky. I have lots of friends and I'm a star in my home town."

Keanu Reeves - I see PUKE...

School Employees Accused Of Changing Grades For Cash, Sex

Two former Florida Memorial University employees and five students have been charged in a grade-changing racket that involved cash payments, computer hacking and even sexual favors.

Ellis Peet, 37, and Clifton Franklin, 32, received payments from $75 to $600 to change more than 650 grades for 122 students over a period of three years ending in 2002, court records showed. Franklin also allegedly received sex from female students after changing their grades.

Peet, a computer technician in the registrar's office, and Franklin, a data entry clerk, were fraternity brothers and acted on their own to organize the scheme, say officials at Florida Memorial, a four-year, historically black school of about 2,000 students in the working class suburb of Miami Gardens. Both graduates of the school, they also allegedly changed their own grades.

"We were very disappointed and very dismayed by the actions of these individuals," Marty Pinkston, the school's director of governmental and public affairs, said Thursday. "This happened in 2002, and we just want to put it behind us."

Peet was arrested last month. He has pleaded not guilty to racketeering and violating intellectual property and computer access laws and hopes to be vindicated at trial, said his attorney, J.C. Dugue. The lawyer declined to comment on specifics because he was still reviewing the evidence gathered by prosecutors. He said his client would not comment.

Franklin, who faces identical charges, has not been found by police. Of the five students who acted as middlemen, three have been arrested, police said. They are charged with racketeering.

The school discovered in May 2002 that unauthorized access to its computer system had occurred and grades had been illicitly improved. The school hired a private investigations firm, and the probe's results were cited in arrest records stating charges against the seven. A story on the charges was reported in Thursday's editions of The Miami Herald.

The investigation found that Peet and Franklin allegedly used generic passwords or those belonging to other registrar employees to make the switches. Peet was fired and Franklin resigned during the investigation.

The five students were accused of conspiring to recruit other students who wanted their grades changed, and receiving cash payments for the switches and kickbacks from Peet in the process, court records showed.

Pinkston said the school has taken several safeguards to prevent a repeat of the scheme, including a mandatory change in passwords every 40 days, and the elimination of generic passwords.

SliPKnoT Rockers Battle Burger King Over Fake Chicken Band

The battle between SliPKnoT and Burger King is escalating.

SliPKnoT is upset over the Burger King ad campaign featuring a mock metal band called Coq Roq dressed in horror-chicken masks.

SliPKnoT said the masks are too similar to the ones they wear.

A letter from their lawyer posted on The Smoking Gun Web site points out Coq Roq members wear a gas mask, a kabuki-style mask and a mask with dreadlocks, which members of SliPKnoT wear. The letter said SliPKnoT fans have expressed confusion and criticism over what they think is SliPKnoT endorsing Burger King.

Meanwhile, Burger King is asking a judge in Miami to issue a "declaratory judgement" saying the ad campaign does not infringe on SliPKnoT's trademark rights.

Burger King lawyers said many metal groups wear masks or makeup, such as Gwar, Kiss, Mudvayne, Marilyn Manson and Los Straitjackets. Burger King's lawyers say in the filing SliPKnoT fans on message boards are not at all confused by Coq Roq and they fully understand the band is not affiliated with SliPKnoT.

Katie Holmes - I SEE COLD SORES...

Scientists Invent Urine Batteries

Singapore scientists said they have invented a urine-activated credit-card sized battery that can be used in test kits. The government-funded Institute of Bioengineering and Nanotechnology said in a statement placed on its Web site that the device was the "perfect power source for cheap, disposable health care test-kits for diseases such as diabetes." Urine is used in tests for diabetes, kidney problems and pregnancy, and the institute said the battery was ideal for such diagnostic kits.

The battery works once urine is added on a chemical-ready filter paper that sets off the cathode which produces about 1.5 volts of electricity. "While researchers around the world race to produce ever smaller and more effective diagnostic biochips that can be mass produced cheaply, they have been unsuccessful in finding a power source that is as small and as cheap to fabricate as the detection technology itself," the statement continued. Singapore is striving to be a regional center for bioengineering.

3 Classy Ladies

While attending their 50th high school reunion, Ramona , Sally and Mary decided to let their classmates in on the real reason they won the conference football championship in 1951.

Plans In Place For 'Gonzo' Thompson's Memorial Blast

WOODY CREEK, Colo. -- Family and friends are wrapping up plans to blast the ashes of writer Hunter S. Thompson out of a 150-foot-tall monument.
The sendoff is scheduled to take place behind the house at Owl Farm this Saturday. Thompson's widow, Anita, said it's what the Louisville, Ky., native wanted.

The monument towers over a field between the home and a tree-covered red rock canyon wall.
It is shrouded in gray and blue tarpaulins that ripple in the wind and it will not be unveiled until Saturday. It is modeled after Thompson's Gonzo logo: a clenched fist, made symmetrical with the addition of a second thumb, perched atop a dagger.

Anita Thompson said Saturday will include some reminiscence, readings from Thompson's work and performances by both Lyle Lovett and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

About 250 people are invited, including Thompson's longtime illustrator, Ralph Steadman, and actors Sean Penn and Johnny Depp, who were close friends of the writer.

Minor League Team To Host 'Hairiest Back' Contest

WOODBRIDGE, Va. -- The Potomac Nationals of the Carolina League are ready to let the fur fly later this month.

The Class-A affiliate of the Washington Nationals will hold its first-ever "Hairiest Back at the Ballpark" contest before their game against a team from Salem, Va., on Aug. 25.

According to the team's press release, the winner will receive a complimentary laser hair removal service valued at $2,500.

If you are wondering WHY I'm not at home, it's because I have a date with 2500 George Washingtons in Virginia and I'm RACING to a certain BALLPARK....IM A SURE FIRE WINNER FOR ONCE...

Hello Kitty Turns 30

Creator of the Hello Kitty empire, Yuko Yamakuchi poses during a Hello Kitty exhibition to mark the 30 anniversary celebration at Hong Kong's art center yesterday. Some limited edition Hello Kitty products and antiques from collectors all around the world will be displayed in the exhibition. Can you spell WEIRDOS...?

Ten Weird College Courses

Parents, you ever wonder what your kids have chosen to study in that high priced school you sent them to?, well check out these electives...

1) You can boldly go where no other philosophy student has gone before in Georgetown University's "Philosophy and Star Trek" course, where students discuss the nature of time travel, the ability of computers to think and feel, and other philosophical dilemmas facing the crew of the Starship Enterprise.

2) Discover how Brick really felt when Opal left him for his neighbor's best friend's sister in the University of Wisconsin's course entitled "Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles." Students analyze the plots, themes, and characters of daytime soaps and discuss their impact on modern life.

3) If you've been longing to research how hot dogs, theme parks, and the five-day workweek have impacted American leisure culture, check out the University of Iowa course "The American Vacation." This course pays particular attention to how American families' varying backgrounds shape their vacation experiences.

4) Bowdoin College students can delve into "The Horror Film in Context" in the school's English Department. Students read Freud and Poe and watch Hitchcock and Craven, all while discussing the horror genre's treatment of gender, class, and family.

5) At Williams College, students can learn more about those in the cement shoe industry by enrolling in "Comparative History of Organized Crime," which compares the work of goodfellas from the United States, Italy, Japan, and Russia.

6) If you've got a romantic urge for adventure, check out Barnard College's course on "The Road Movie," which studies Easy Rider and Thelma and Louise, while also discussing the genre's literary precursors, like On the Road and The Odyssey.

7) If hitting the road doesn't satisfy your rebellious streak, sign up for Brown University's course on "American Degenerates," in which students discuss how early British-American writers embraced the grotesque, monstrous, "not our kind" status bestowed on them by the mother country and reflected their zeal for cultural and physical degeneracy in their literature.

8) Those artsy types at the Rhode Island School of Design can put down their paintbrushes and take "The Art of Sin and the Sin of Art," which contemplates the relationship between sin and the art world. The course catalog invites you to "lust with the saints and burn with the sinners."

9) If talking about death several times a week in class sounds like a good time to you, try Purdue University's "Death and the Nineteenth Century" course. Every poem and novel in the course deals with the 19th-century conception of mortality and the world beyond.

10) At Centre College in Danville, Kentucky, students can take "Art of Walking," in which students not only read literature by noted perambulators like Kant and Nietzsche, but go for neighborhood strolls with their professor and his dog.

Madonna Breaks Bones While Riding a Horse

Madonna's 47th birthday celebration turned interesting when she broke several bones while riding a horse near London, her publicist told The Associated Press.

It's unclear whether she was riding the horse or it was the other way around as there are conflicting reports of the event coming in as we go to press. anyways...

She was treated and released from a hospital after sustaining three cracked ribs, a broken collarbone and a broken hand. Madges collarbone is located between her boobs and her chin in the photo for you medical types.

Her new record is due out in November. Like anyone CARES...

Viagra Issues for Mr Jennings

Dr. Bob Jennings first period Health Science class took a whole new direction when the parametics burst into the room...

It seems Mr Jenning BIG night out was about to turn ugly, he had reached the 16th continuous hour on a test of the claims on his Viagra package.

For years afterward the future students would refer to him as BONER in the hallways...

Tampa Cadaver Exhibit May Be Scuttled

TAMPA, Fla. - A decision by Florida's attorney general Friday could scuttle plans for a controversial museum exhibit featuring human bodies preserved and posed to reveal their inner workings.

The board that oversees the use of human specimens at Florida's medical schools wants proof that the deceased or their families authorized the use of the bodies.

The Tampa Museum of Science and Industry argues that the Anatomical Board doesn't have jurisdiction.
Attorney General Charlie Crist weighed in Friday, writing that because the purpose of "BODIES: The Exhibition" is educational, "it is my opinion that the approval of the Anatomical Board of the State of Florida is required."

What that means for the future of the Tampa exhibit, scheduled to open Aug. 20, remains to be seen.
Museum President Wit Ostrenko said Friday the exhibition would open as scheduled. "It is our intention to continue to have a constructive dialogue in an attempt to resolve our differences," he said.
But on Thursday, Arnie Geller, president and CEO of Premier Exhibitions, the Atlanta promoter of the exhibit, said the documentation the board wants would be impossible to obtain because the identities are unknown.
The bodies were obtained legally but belonged to Chinese people who died unidentified or unclaimed by family members and were preserved at the Dalian Medical University of Plastination Laboratories in China, according to the exhibition's medical director, Roy Glover.

"BODIES: The Exhibition" features 20 cadavers and 260 other parts preserved with a process that replaces human tissue with silicone rubber. Skin is removed, exposing muscles, bones, organs, tendons, blood vessels and brains.

Tampa is to be the U.S. debut for the exhibit.

A similar human anatomy exhibit called "Body Worlds" is now showing in the United States and has drawn more than 15 million visitors since its debut in Tokyo in 1996. It has also drawn criticism from medical ethicists, however, and the condemnation of religious groups that claim it violates the sanctity of the human body.

Hillary Duff: I see Boobies...

Gifts from God

Teen's Navel Piercing Lands Mother In Jail

Girl Had Near-Fatal Infection After Self-Piercing

Authorities have charged a Massachusetts woman whose daughter nearly died after trying to pierce her own navel.Prosecutors say the mother failed to seek medical treatment after the 13-year-old developed a near-fatal infection.Deborah Robinson faces a felony count of permitting bodily injury to a child under 14, and a misdemeanor count of child endangerment.Authorities say the girl was likely in extreme pain within a day or two after the start of her infection, which caused organ damage.

She was hospitalized last week after family members called paramedics to the home, where she was found emaciated and near death.Prosecutors say she remains in critical but stable condition and is being given large doses of antibiotics.A judge has also ordered the mother to undergo a mental evaluation.

PAM ANDERSON ROAST TONITE

As you can see by these photos taken at the Jimmy Kimmel hosted Roast of Pam Anderson , to be shown on Comedy Central TONITE (sunday), all hell broke loose. Yes everyone's favorite grunge rock widow Mrs Kurt Cobain lost her mind once again, again and again...

I think the other real good bet is how many comics will speak before the hepititis jokes show up, I think the vegas odds are around 3. This is the programming TIVO was made for folks...

In a TRAILER PARK?...I are shocked...

Two Killed When Tornado Hits Wyoming Town

WRIGHT, Wyo. -- A tornado struck a mobile home park with little warning, killing two people and injuring about a dozen others, authorities said.

Three people remained missing late Friday night.

The twister touched down Friday afternoon in this coal-mining town of 1,400 people about 100 miles northeast of Casper, said Campbell County Sheriff Bill Pownall.

"The warning was going off just as it hit from what I understand," Pownall said. "They didn't have a lot of time to seek shelter."

Jeff Rech, assistant chief of the Campbell County Fire Department, said residents had about five minutes warning of the approaching storm.

"It was one of those freak deals," he said.

Some 30 to 40 homes in the mobile home park were either damaged or destroyed. A nearby elementary school also was damaged, the sheriff said.

One person was found dead at the scene, while a second died at Campbell County Memorial Hospital in Gillette, Pownall said. Two people were in fair condition at the hospital, and five others had been treated and released, officials said.

"I talked to one couple and they can remember flying through the air and screaming at each other," said Dianna Riley, hospital nursing supervisor. "And then they woke up.

Rescue personnel from two coal mines in the area were helping firefighters and police search the debris. About 50 people were expected to spend the night at a shelter.

STURGIS IS UPON US

The annual homage to bikers, The Sturgis Rally is in full swing, in this photo released by Harley-Davidson, a buffalo stops motorcycle traffic on a road in Custer State Park, S.D. Hundreds of thousands of motorcyclists have gathered for the 65th Annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally.

A short distance from there are THE REPTILE GARDENS, THE FLINTSTONE VILLAGE and THE WONDERLAND CAVE. The first two respectively are where I first got to watch giant turtles screw on a family vacation (I wonder where the photo of me sitting on them is...)in the 1970's and the weirdest amusement park in america, the Wonderland caves, well those babies are a zillion miles from any roadside billboard showing them in north america.

Wal-Mart employees kill suspected shoplifter

Several Wal-Mart employees in Atascocita, Texas, chased a suspected shoplifter from the store and held him down on the burning pavement until he died.

Stacy Clay Driver, 30, of Cleveland, was pronounced dead Sunday at Northeast Medical Center Hospital.

When Atascocita Volunteer Fire Department paramedics arrived, Driver was in cardiac arrest, said Royce Worrell, EMS director. Worrell said Monday he heard from investigators that Wal-Mart employees administered CPR to Driver, but he was not sure that happened.

“When we got there, the man was facedown (in cardiac arrest) with handcuffs behind his back,” Worrell said. “That’s not indicative of someone given CPR.”

Houston lawyer Charles Portz was outside the store at 6626 FM 1960 East when employees chased Driver into the parking lot Sunday afternoon.

Portz said three employees caught Driver, who twisted and turned until his shirt came off and he broke free and ran.

“They chased him right past me,” said Portz, who followed the chase, then saw four or five employees hold Driver on the ground. Driver was pleading with them to let him up, Portz said. “The blacktop was just blistering,” he said.

The high temperature at Bush Intercontinental Airport Sunday was 96 degrees.

Portz said one of the Wal-Mart employees had Driver in a choke hold as other employees pinned his body to the ground.

“He was begging, ‘Please, I’m burning, let me up,’” Portz said of Driver. “He’d push himself up off the blacktop, like he was doing a push-up.

“About 30 people were saying, ‘Let him up, it’s too hot,’” Portz said. He said another employee brought a rug for Driver to lie on, but one of those holding Driver said he was fine where he was. “After about five minutes, (Driver) said, ‘I’m dying, I can’t breathe, call an ambulance,’” Portz said.

Sheriff’s detectives are awaiting the autopsy report before deciding whether to file charges. And Driver’s family and lawyer deny that he had been shoplifting.

Lil Kim - I see Boobies...

iPod Used In Domestic Homicide

MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE (HLN) - A Memphis woman was arrested and charged with first-degree murder after she bludgeoned her boyfriend to death with an iPod.

Arleen Mathers, 23, was arrested Thursday morning after she called Memphis Police and said she had killed her boyfriend, according to a Sheriff’s Department report.

When deputies arrived at Mathers’ apartment at 528 Poplar Avenue, Mathers led them to the body of her boyfriend, Brad Pulaski, 27.

Brad Pulaski had died of blunt trauma to the head after being repeatedly bludgeoned with an iPod, a popular MP3 player produced by Apple.

Police said no motive has been confirmed, although evidence suggested the murder was the result of a domestic dispute after Pulaski erased the contents of Mathers’ iPod.

According to law officers, Mathers was hysterical when police arrived and told them that she killed her boyfriend only after he accused her of illegally downloading music and erased about 2,000 of her MP3s. Mathers complained that it took 3 months to build her music collection.

An autopsy performed Friday afternoon at Methodist Hospital showed that Brad Pulaski had been beat multiple times in the face and chest by a blunt metal object, and died of internal bleeding, said Dr. Felix Klamut, deputy coroner.

According to Apple’s website, the iPod is partially made of a hard metal plate that’s been praised for it’s resistance to regular wear and tear, like drops and coffee spills.

“It took him a while to die,” Dr. Klamut said. “She must have stabbed him 40 to 80 times with that iPod. His death was not instantaneous, that’s for sure”

Arleen Mathers was arraigned Friday night by a video hookup from the county jail. Municipal Court Judge Simon Lambert set her bond at $600,000 and scheduled a preliminary hearing.

New Bigfoot Evidence

This photo was taken with a hidden camera at Moyie Springs, Northern Idaho. The owner of property noticed foot tracks some weeks earlier and set camera up in tree along path of tracks.

It was done from that camera mounted in the tree. It seems that the Bigfoot took a bite of the red fir tree bark, you can see it in the picture, look closely...

2 teens perform C-section on dead cat

ST-QUENTIN, N.B. - A kitten owes its life to the impromtu medical skills of a couple of kids who delivered it by caesarean section after the animal's mother died.

Monica Castonguay, 15, and Kim Quimpere, 13, were walking in the woods recently when they found a cat lying on the ground and not breathing.

The youngsters were familiar with the cat and knew it was pregnant. Although the cat had died, the teens found it was still warm and decided to save the kittens.

Although the teens hadn't taken a biology course and weren't sure they knew what they were doing, they got a sweater, a knife and some cotton and then performed a caesarian section on the mother cat.

They were able to save two of the four kittens, which they wrapped in the sweater and took home, trying in vain to reach a veterinarian. One of the kittens later died but the stronger of the two was adopted by Castonguay.

Castonguay has not been inspired to take up medicine as a result of the adventure.

"I want to go to film school in Montreal," she said.

Since Peter Jennings died this week, lets review:

A select list of notable people who've died of lung cancer over the years:

Aug. 7: ABC anchorman Peter Jennings, 67.

July 1: Renaldo "Obie" Benson, 69, member of the legendary Motown singing group the Four Tops.

May 9, 2004: Comedian Alan King, 76.

Jan. 22, 2004: Dancer-actress Ann Miller, 81.

Sept. 8, 2003: Singer-songwriter Warren Zevon, 56.

Oct. 13, 2002: Best-selling author/historian Stephen Ambrose,66.

June 29, 2002: Singer Rosemary Clooney, 74.

Oct. 16, 2001: Jazz singer Etta Jones, 72 (and breast cancer).

June 18, 2000: Actress Nancy Marchand, 71, who played the matriarch of a Mafia family on "The Sopranos" and the patrician publisher Mrs. Pynchon on "Lou Grant."

March 25, 1999: Baseball coach Cal Ripken Sr., 63.

March 8, 1999: Baseball great Joe DiMaggio, 84.

Feb. 6, 1998: Beach Boy guitarist Carl Wilson, 51.

July 1, 1997: Actor Robert Mitchum, 79.

Feb. 3, 1996: Audrey Meadows, 70, famous for her role as Alice Kramden in the TV comedy "The Honeymooners."

March 6, 1994: Actress Melina Mercouri, 68, best known for her role was as a prostitute in the 1960 film "Never on Sunday."

Oct. 25, 1993: Actor Vincent Price, 82, known for horror movie roles.

June 22, 1993: Pat Nixon, 81, wife of former President Richard M. Nixon.

Oct. 5, 1992: Eddie Kendricks, 52, one of The Temptations' original members.

Nov. 10, 1992: Actor Chuck Connors, 71, best known for TV show "The Rifleman."

Feb. 2, 1992: Bert Parks, 77, best known as master of ceremonies for the Miss America beauty pageant.

July 2, 1991: Actress Lee Remick, 55.

April 4, 1990: Jazz singer Sarah Vaughan, 76.

June 10, 1988: Popular western writer Louis L'Amour, 80.

Aug. 2, 1988: Short story writer Raymond Carver, 50.

April 11, 1987: Writer Erskine Caldwell, 83.

March 21, 1987: Actor Robert Preston, 68, best known for his role as Professor Harold Hill in the stage and film versions of "The Music Man."

Dec. 2, 1986: Desi Arnaz, 69, best remembered for starring with Lucille Ball in "I Love Lucy."

Oct. 25, 1986: Actor Forrest Tucker, 67, best known for his portrayal of Sgt. Morgan O'Rourke in the popular "F Troop" TV series of the 1960s.

June 14, 1986: Composer Alan Jay Lerner, 67, best known, with Frederick Loewe, for musicals "My Fair Lady,""Camelot" and "Paint Your Wagon."

Oct. 10, 1985: Yul Brynner, 65, best known for his portrayal of the king in "The King and I."

May 16, 1984: Comedian/actor Andy Kaufman, 35, known for his role of auto mechanic Latka Gravas in sitcom "Taxi." The Jim Carrey movie "Man on the Moon" was based on him.

March 31, 1980: Jesse Owens, 66, Olympic gold medal winner in track.

May 24, 1974: Jazz great/bandleader Duke Ellington, 75.

April 30, 1974: Actress Agnes Moorehead, 73.

June 8, 1969: Actor Robert Taylor, 57.

Feb. 1, 1966: Comedian/actor/director Buster Keaton, 70.

April 25, 1965: CBS newscaster Edward R. Murrow, 57. (Always a heavy smoker, Murrow had investigated the connection between cigarettes and cancer for his news show "See It Now.")

Feb. 15, 1965: Singer Nat King Cole, 47.

Jan. 10, 1961: Writer Dashiell Hammett, 65.


And what have we learned since 1961, SMOKING KILLS PEOPLE, IT SAYS SO RIGHT ON THE PACKAGE....SO STOP DOING IT... NOW...

Man beaten with his own leg

Says he couldn't get away...
A Midland man talks is talking for the first time about his unusual attack.

He was severely beaten with his own prosthetic leg.

Greg Gale has had some rough times.

He lost his leg in a train accident twenty years ago, and now, he's been beaten by his own prosthetic leg. Gale tells abc12's Jennifer Borrasso he and his girlfriend, Tammy Johnson, got into an argument at his Midland apartment this past Wednesday night.

He says she started beating him in the face and head several times with one of his spare prosthetic legs. He tried to get away, but says she followed him out the door, still hitting him with the leg.

A witness saw Gale and called police.

"She tried to kill me," Gale said. I've known her for years," he said, thinking that she is frustrated with their relationship. "Probably because I won't commit... I'm not sure."

Tammy Johnson is in the Midland County jail tonight.

She faces two felony counts - an assault with a dangerous weapon and larceny.

Police say she tried to steal the leg.

She'll soon head back to court for a preliminary hearing.

BOOB in a Can...

Im not sure why I'm showing you this, I just feel better for doing it, and lets face it, It real fills a product nitch...

Now, if I could only find the manufacturer so I could buy a case...

Who's Your Daddy?

1 In 25 Fathers May Be Wrong

Around one in 25 dads could unknowingly be raising another man's child, according to new research.The authors of the study based their findings on internationally published scientific research and conference abstracts from 1950 to 2004.

Rates of "paternal discrepancy" -- where a dad is not the biological father of his child -- range from less than 1 percent to as much as 30 percent.It is generally thought that rates are below 10 percent; A rate of 4 percent means that one in 25 families are affected.

The implications are huge, say the authors, with the increasing reliance on DNA profiling and genetic testing, which could boost the rates of paternal discrepancy.In the U.S., the rate more than doubled between 1991 and 2001 as testing increased.

The study appears in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health. You can see the whole report right HERE.

Bounty-hunters snarl Delhi traffic catching cows

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - A cash reward on the heads of New Delhi's stray cows has triggered road chaos in the Indian capital as bounty hunters on motorbikes compete to round up cattle roaming the streets, The Hindustan Times said on Saturday.

The Delhi High Court passed an order on Thursday instructing authorities to offer 2,000 rupees per cow -- an average Indian's monthly salary -- to rid the city of the traffic menace.

With cows sacred to Hindus, who make up the bulk of India's billion-plus population, an estimated 35,000 cows and buffalo roam free in the capital, sharing space with hordes of monkeys, camels and stray dogs.

Traffic routinely comes to a halt on highways to allow animals to amble across, leading to accidents.

The newspaper said stick-toting "cowboys" with motorbikes as their steeds were chasing cows all over the city and authorities were hard put to keep pace with the flood of strays being handed over to state shelters.

"There is no dearth of stray cattle ... 2000 rupees is a lot of money. I will not rest till there is not a single cow or bull left on the roads," bus driver Chander Singh was quoted as saying.

Authorities were giving out receipts to be cashed in later.

The cows must be delivered alive, of course. Just a rumour that one has been mistreated can prompt revenge attacks by angry mobs.

Kirsten Dunst: I see BOOBIES !!!

Here we have Kirsten Caroline Dunst, she was born on April 30, 1982 in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Star of Spiderman, 1,2,3..blah blah blah... She's been in a zillion films. Here we see here out in the southern california surf...





One can only wonder what goes on in a persons mind when they put on , oh lets say a BELT and head out to the beach...

I think I like her alot more now that I can see the REAL her, and reds really her color, I think...Don't you...

Wedding Day Amusements

As Jane reached for the brides flowers little did she know that she would be providing the weddings most memorable photo...

Ultimate Bad Hair Day For Smuggler

It was the ultimate bad hair day for a would-be drug smuggler.

Investigators say a bad toupe tipped them off to more than $100,000 worth of heroin hidden underneath -- superglued to the man's head.

Customs and border protection officers say the man, arriving on a flight from Columbia, glued 40 packets of heroin to his head.

"Because he used superglue, they took him to a medical facility to have it removed," said Officer Jennifer Conners. "Even at that, it pulled out the hair wherever they removed a package, so he ended up looking like a spotted cat."

Agents said they knew something was up because it was strange to see a 19-year-old wearing a toupe, and he was acting very nervous.

10th Anniversary of the death of Jerry Garcia

Well, it's been ten years since the passing of music icon Jerry Garcia, classic rock stations around the country are paying tribute today to the musical leader of a generation. It all ended at the Serenity Knolls Drug Treatment Center 10 years ago today.

Mr Garcia had checked himself in just the day before. Jerry had battled drug addiction for years and he had come here to Marin County near his home to confront the demons again, but it was not to be as he passed away of a heart attack his first night in the facility.

The tree in front of the cluster of buildings became a makeshift shrine with pictures and candles, I know I was there and it continues to this day... It signaled the end of something and it was and is a very powerful thing...



Few people on this planet have such a life changing effect as Jerry Garcia did on so many, in 1978 I was in line to buy a ticket to see Neil Young film his now legendary "Rust Never Sleeps" Concert, when this group of guys in front to me asked if I was "going to see the Dead"?, "No , I answered, I was there to get my Neil Young ticket..."

Well they were buying tickets to see the Grateful Dead at the WinterLand Ballroom in SF as the band was coming back from Egypt, I asked "Which show are you going to?" ALL FIVE was the ANSWER...

I thought to myself, "what the hell makes someone see the same band five nights in a row?" we chatted some more, and it was clear these people were obsessed, but not in a bad way, they just knew what they liked and seemed harmless but at the same time were willing to convert someone if he wanted to be...

Well needless to say , they talked me into buying a ticket to "the thursday show" because like they had some "inside" knowledge I would enjoy it...

Enjoy it, hahaha, I had never heard anything like it, it was like I was watching a revival as the band played the music the music played the band and in turn the crowd spun like tops...I was hooked, as Bill Graham would say " They aren't the best at what they do, they are the only ones that do what they do..."

I saw around 500 shows in the years that followed, went to Alaska for 3 shows in a High School Auditorium, London's Rainbow Theater 4 more, 15 nights at the Warfield theater in San Francisco, Portland one night Seattle the next, Reno on Saturday, University of California at Davis on Sunday just to name a few... and along the way, I brought along people who wanted to be converted and they were...I remember sitting in a classroom at 9 am on a friday morning, Jerry was playing solo accoustic guitar in Portland that very evening, by 11am I was consumed by the idea of seeing this rare event, by 2pm I was on a plane to Oregon, and by 3:15 pm I was standing in front of the Rose Theater where he would be playing to a intimate crowd in a small building...

Crazy you say?, ya probably, but as I stood there I was tapped on the shoulder, "your chuck right?" I turned around and Mr Garcia's manager at the time Rock Scully was standing directly in front of me, I said "yes" and he said "Randy had called and said I was coming", Randy of course of the "you need to be anywhere any time for anything travel company" called me... I told Rock that yes indeed Randy had gotten me up to the show at the last minute...

At this point Rock handed me a ticket for both the early and the late shows that evening, I was amazed, at 9am I was taking a test in california , now karma was swimming downstream like a rocket and I along for the ride...if you dream it , it will happen...

I got out my wallet and Mr Scully said, "what are you doing?", I said "paying you for the tickets"
to which he replied, "No dude, these are ON JERRY", you've gone through enough to get here without having to pay for the shows... THATS WHAT THE GRATEFUL DEAD WERE ALL ABOUT...A feeling of family with people you have no blood relation...and on a good night, music like nothing you could ever imagine...

So as we collectively reflect on the loss of Mr Garcia ten years ago, I'm sure those of us who were fortunate enough to have been allowed on a small portion of his journey will smile a little too...as it was a long strange trip that brought so many kindred souls together...forever...

UNIQUE JOB: The touch of a chicken sexer

Mohamad Abdul Hamid loves telling people what he does. After 13 years on the job, he still finds it funny when people react to his job description: chicken sexer.

Mohamad is the only Malaysian who is able to tell the difference between a male and female chick just days after they hatch.

He laughingly recalls how hard it was to convince his wife’s parents that he makes a decent living, when he first asked for her hand in marriage.

"They didn’t believe it was a job and that it paid well," said the 30-year-old.

Commercial hatcheries need to know what sex the chicks are at an early age, so that they can give the hatchlings the appropriate feed and meet the needs of the chicken farms.

Egg farms don’t want males, while broiler farms — that raise chicken for meat — want to breed cockerels and pullets separately.

Cockerels are often castrated and raised as capons for meat.

Chicks of the wrong sex in any of these lines are unwanted, and culling the unwanted sexes early reduces costs.

Mohamad is one of only six chicken sexers in Malaysia, said Datuk Francis Lau, president of the Federation of Livestock Farmers’ Association.

The other five are Filipinos, hired on contract, said Lau, who is also executive director of Leong Hup Holdings Bhd which owns the Leong Hup Grandparent Stock Hatchery where Mohamad works.

Without Mohamad, the hatchery in Merlimau, Malacca, would discover the chicks’ sexes only four to six weeks later.

The hatchery is the country’s largest producer of day-old chicks.

It produces 90 million day-old chicks a year, and supplies 30 per cent of the market for these creatures.

Mohamad "does" about 700 chicks a day, or three chicks every two minutes.

He began working at the farm when he was 17, feeding chickens, then went on to help the chicken sexers. He later went for training in Medan, Indonesia.

"It’s a delicate job, and part of it is messy, but it pays well," he said.

He earns a four-figure monthly income, he added.

What Mohamad does is called vent sexing, first discovered by the Japanese and is a difficult skill to master.

Taking a chick in one hand, he uses the other to squeeze the creature’s rear and expose the vent, the opening through which birds both excrete and urinate. The genital organ is inside the vent.

It sounds simple but the professional vent sexer has to study the organ’s external appearance, which can fall into as many as fifteen basic patterns.

"It’s a precise art," he said. And even after 13 years, he still makes mistakes, he concedes.

...and Marilyn was found in the nude...

The former Los Angeles prosecutor John W. Miner was head of the District Attorney’s medical-legal section when Marilyn Monroe died.

As head of the D.A.'s medical-legal section when Monroe died, Miner had met with the actress' psychiatrist, Dr. Ralph Greenson. During the interview, Miner says, Greenson played the audio tapes that Ms Monroe would record and give to him during sessions, but only on condition that the investigator never reveal their contents.

Miner said he took "extensive" and "nearly verbatim" notes, and only broke the promise years after Greenson's death, when some Monroe biographers suggested that the psychiatrist be considered a suspect in her death.

Mr Miner was present at the now famous autopsy, conducted by Tom Noguchi , his view:

Marilyn Monroe took or was given chloral hydrate to render her unconscious. Someone dissolved Nembutal in water by breaking open 30 or more capsules. That person then administered the Nembutal loaded solution by enema to Miss Monroe using an ordinary fountain syringe or enema bag.

As the drug was slowly absorbed, the tissues of the large intestine reacted to the trauma of exposure to the poisonous substance by an inflammatory response producing congestion and a marked purple color. That congestion and purple color were in evidence when the body was opened at the autopsy. Never regaining consciousness, Marilyn Monroe died.


The following are a transcript of the notes Mr Miner says he compiled as Dr Greenson played him the tapes during an interview he conducted as part of the investigation into her death.

Dear Doctor:

You have given me everything. Because of you I can now feel what I never felt before. She comes by herself and with somebody else. So now I am a whole woman (pun intended — like Shakespeare). So now I have control-- control of myself--control of my life.

What can I give you. Not money. I know that from me that means nothing to you. Not my body. I know your professional ethics and faithfulness to your wonderful wife make that impossible. What I am going to give you is my idea that will revolutionize psychoanalysis.

Isn't it true that the key to analysis is free association. Marilyn Monroe associates. You, my doctor, by understanding and interpretation of what goes on in my mind get to my unconscious which makes it possible for you to treat my neuroses and for me to overcome them. But when you tell me to relax and say whatever I am thinking, I blank out and have nothing to say; that's what you and Dr. Freud call resistance. So we talk about other things and I answer your questions as best I can. You are the only person in the world I have never told a lie to and never will.

Oh yes, dreams. I know they are important. But you want me to free associate about the dream elements. I have the same blanking out. More resistance for you and Dr. Freud to complain about.

I read his "Introductory Lectures," God, what a genius. He makes it so understandable. And he is so right. Didn't he say himself that Shakespeare and Dostoievski had a better understanding of psychology than all the scientists put together. Damn it, they do.

You told me to read Molly Bloom's mental meanderings (I can use words, can't I) to get a feeling for free association. It was when I did that I got my great idea.

As I read it something bothered me. Here is Joyce writing what a woman thinks to herself . Can he, does he really know her innermost thoughts. But after I read the whole book, I could better understand that Joyce is an artist who could penetrate the souls of people, male or female. It really doesn't matter that Joyce doesn't have ... or never felt a menstrual cramp. Wait a minute. As you must have guessed I am free associating and you are going to hear a lot of bad language. Because of my respect for you, I've never been able to say the words I'm really thinking when we are in session. But now I am going to say whatever I think, no matter what it is.

I can do that because of my idea which, if you'll be patient, I'll tell you about. That's funny. I ask you to be patient, but I am your patient. Yet to be patient and to be a patient makes a kind of Shakespearean sense, doesn't it

Back to Joyce. To me Leopold Bloom is a central character. He is the despised Irish Jew, married to an Irish Catholic woman. It is through them Joyce develops much of what he wants to say. Do you agree that the scene where Bloom is looking at the little girl on the swing is the most erotic in the book?

What is a Jew. In my business I have met and ... more Jews that I can count, and boy have I been screwed by some of them.

There are those who, I suppose, look Jewish but so do Arabs; there are others who are more blond and blue-eyed than Hitler ever was. And some in between that you can't tell if they are Jewish or not.

How do you think Hitler knew who were Jews to be killed. Couldn't be by looks alone. I have met too many German Jews who sure could be Hitler's Aryans by their looks.

I couldn't tell if you're Jewish by looking at you. Same with women.

Keep getting sidetracked. Well, that's what free association is.

OK, my idea! To start with there is the doctor and the patient. I don't like the word, analysand. It makes it seem like treating a sick mind is different from treating a sick body. However, you and Dr. Freud say the mind is part of the body. That makes the person getting treated a patient.

I'll bet Gertrude Stein would say a patient is a patient, is a patient. See, free association can be fun.

Anyway, you are in his office and the Doctor says I want you to say whatever you are thinking no matter what it is. And you can't think of a damn thing. How many times after a session I would go home and cry because I thought it was my fault.

While reading Molly's blathering, the IDEA came to me. Get a tape recorder. Put a tape in. Turn it on. Say whatever you are thinking like I am doing now. It's really easy. I'm lying on my bed wearing only a brassiere. If I want to go to the refrig or the bathroom, push the stop button and begin again when I want to.

And I just free associate. No problem. You get the idea, don't you. Patient can't do it in Doctor's office. Patient is at home with tape recorder. Patient free associates sans difficulty. Patient sends tape to Doctor. After he listens to it, Patient comes in for a session. He asks her questions about it, interprets it. Patient gets treated. Oh yes, she can put her dreams on the tape too — right when she has them. You know how I would forget what I dreamed or even if I dreamt at all.

Dr. Freud said dreams are the via regia to the unconscious and so I'll tell you my dreams on tape.

OK, Dr. Greenson. You are the greatest psychiatrist in the world. You tell me. Has Marilyn Monroe invented an important way to make psychoanalysis work better. After you listen to my tapes and use them to treat me, you could publish a paper in a scientific journal, Wouldn't that be sensational. I don't want any credit. I don't want to be identified in your paper. It's my present to you. I'll never tell anybody about it. You will be the first to let your profession know how to lick resistance. Maybe you could patent the idea and license it to your colleagues. Ask Micky.

You are the only person who will ever know the most private, the most secret thought of Marilyn Monroe. I have absolute confidence and trust you will never reveal to a living soul what I say to you.

What I told you is true when I first became your patient. I had never had an orgasm. I well remember you said an orgasm happens in the mind, not the genitals. ...

It doesn't bother me, but this damn free association could drive somebody crazy. Oh, oh, crazy makes me think about my mother. I am not going to free associate about her right now. Let me finish my thoughts about orgasms.

You said there was an obstacle in my mind that prevented me from having an orgasm; that it was something that happened early in my life about which I felt so guilty that I did not deserve to have the greatest pleasure there is; that it had to do with something sexual that was very wrong, but my getting pleasure from it caused my guilt That it was buried in my unconscious. Through analysis we would bring it to my conscious mind where we could get to the guilt and free me to be orgasmic. Well, we sure worked it and got nowhere. I'd go home and cry and vomit from the frustration. Then you said for the orgasm problem we'll try a different approach. That you would tell me how to stimulate myself, that when I did exactly what you told me to do I would have an orgasm and that after I did it to myself and felt what it was, I would have orgasms with lovers. What a difference a word makes. You said I would, not I could.

Bless you, Doctor. What you say is gospel to me. By now I've had lots of orgasms. Not only one, but 2 and 3 with a man who takes his time.

I never cried so hard as I did after my first orgasm. It was because of the years I had ...never had an orgasm.

What wasted years. How can I describe to you, a man, what an orgasm feels like to a woman. I'll try.

Think of a light fixture with a rheostat control. As you slowly turn it on, the bulb begins to get bright, then brighter and brighter and finally in a blinding flash is fully lit. As you turn it off it gradually becomes dimmer and at last goes out.

It is so good ... Doctor, I worship you.

I have a dream for you. I dreamt that I was sitting on Clark Gable's lap with his arms around me. He said: "They want me to do a "Gone With the Wind" sequel. Maybe I will if you will be my Scarlett." I woke up crying.

They called him King and God knows he was that. What respect and deference he had from the actors and crew, even that ... Huston. Some day I hope I'll be treated like that. He was Mr. Gable to everybody on the set, but he made me call him Clark.

He had such concern for the animals. Even though there were Humane Society inspectors all over the place, he kept ordering that nobody hurt the horses. Ironical, it was a horse that hurt him. I was told after he was dragged and the horse calmed down, he stroked his muzzle and gave him a piece of sugar.

He was so nice to me and I didn't deserve it. I was having problems with Arthur and being sick and I held up the shooting a lot. Clark protected me from Huston who kept giving me a bad time.

In the kissing scenes, I kissed him with real affection. I didn't want to go to bed with him, but I wanted him to know how much I liked and appreciated him.

He told me he had been a hunter for a long time, but he had decided not to kill animals. He said if he had children, he would teach them to hunt with a camera instead of a gun.

When I came back from a day off the set, he patted my ass and told me if I didn't behave myself, he would give me a good spanking. I looked him in the eye and said: " Don't tempt me," He burst out laughing so hard he was tearing

Because of his performance I've seen "Gone With the Wind's over and over again. He was perfect.

It makes me so mad I could scream. Those Academy ... didn't award him the Oscar. He should have won hands down.

All right that was a long time ago. I must have been about 13. I have never seen a man who was as romantic as he was in that picture.


It was different when I got to know him. Then I wanted him to be my father. I wouldn't care if he spanked me as long as he made up for it by hugging me and telling me I was Daddy's little girl and he loved me. Of course that's fantasy.

Ever since you let me be in your home and meet your family, I've thought about how it would be if I were your daughter instead of your patient. I know you couldn't do it while I'm your patient, but after you cure me, maybe you could adopt me. Then I'd have the father I've always wanted and your wife whom I adore would be my mother, and your children, brothers and sisters.

No, Doctor, I won't push it. But it's beautiful to think about it I guess you can tell I'm crying, I'll stop now for a little bit.

When Clark Gable died, I cried for 2 days straight. I couldn't eat or sleep. It was some comfort to remember I'd make him laugh like that. Is there a God. He must be cruel for not letting Clark live to teach his son to hunt with a camera.

Speaking of Oscars, I would win overwhelmingly if the Academy gave an Oscar for faking orgasms. I have done some of my best acting convincing my partners I was in the throes of ecstasy. If he were alive I'd have Johnny Hyde be the presenter. ...

Johnny Hyde was special. He wasn't a lot to look at. A little shrimp. Little shrimp, is that redundant or tautological. I always get them mixed up. Anyway, he only came up to my chin.

Johnny was a cocky character. There was no better agent in the business. The studio bosses and casting directors respected him. His word was gold. You didn't need any damned lawyers when he made a deal.

... how that man took care of me. He divorced his wife and bought a house for us to live in, bought my clothes, paid my hairdresser and cosmetic bills and medical expenses. He was my agent and got me better parts and more money than I had before.

Funny though. He always took his agent fee. Said it kept me professional and then he'd turn around and spend a fortune on me.

There was a lot of talk that he did all this to get me to marry him. And I probably would have if he wanted me to. But the truth is he thought marriage would hurt my career. He said if I did what he told me, he'd make me a big star...

I was everything to him: wife, mother, sister, daughter, mistress. Nobody will or could love me as much as Johnny H. I loved the little guy, but I was never in love with him. I'd do anything he wanted and I've only skimmed the surface in what I've said. But I just couldn't have the kind of love for him that he had for me.

We both knew he had a bad heart. His doctor told him if he wanted to stay alive, he should stop seeing me and retire from his work, He didn't and died suddenly before he could keep his promise to put me in his will. C'est la vie.

The talk went around that his relationship with me killed Johnny. They are wasting their time trying to make me feel guilty. I gave Johnny the greatest happiness he ever had. He wouldn't have traded a day of it for a year of life.

[Miner notes: Topic: "Taxicab Drivers". Here is what I remember]

(Monroe rhetorically asks Greenson how the most famous woman is the world could go to a strange man and ask him a question. She answers by saying — Use a taxicab driver. She got the idea from reading about or hearing of a Caliph or Sultan who went out incognito among his people to find out what they thought of him. She wanted to take a poll. So she disguised herself with a brunette wig--no make up-- horn rimmed glasses, an amorphous garment and gave the driver $10 to answer the question: Name the woman you would most want to sleep with. She intended a jury of 12, but only asked 9. Six said Marilyn Monroe. She gave the responses of the other 3, but I don't remember them. It excited her that they did not know her identity.)

There's a radio ... trying to restart a fire under the old so called Crawford-Monroe feud. OK, she said some mean things about me a while back. What do I care. I don't know why she did. Crawford and I started out friendly. As always, Shakespeare said it best; "He that takes from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and make me poor indeed." No, Doctor, I did not look it up. I've memorized a lot of Shakespeare. That reminds me of Prince and the Showgirl.

Olivier came into my dressing room to give me hell for screwing up. I soothed him by telling him I thought his Hamlet was one of the greatest films ever made. You know he won an Oscar for it

But the Prince was a real .... He was superficial -- no, that's not the word — supercilious, arrogant, a snob, conceited. Maybe a little bit anti-Semitic in the sense of some of my best friends are Jews. But, damn him, a great, great actor.

At a party he told a couple of Jewish jokes. Arthur says his Yiddish accent was perfect. I told him Lee Strasberg said I had Shakespeare in me. What did he think. Olivier said, Marilyn, if you worked with Lee harder than you ever worked and get the basics, come to me and I'll help you do it. Here's what you're in for. And Olivier recited Shakespeare for 2 hours. Everything from Hamlet to Shylock. It was magic. I've never heard anything so magnificent. He ended with: "She should have died hereafter. There would have for such a word. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle. Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Olivier said: "That says it all," smiled and left. I sat and cried with joy for being so privileged.

Oh yes, Crawford....

We went to Joan's bedroom ... Crawford had a gigantic orgasm and shrieked like a maniac. Credit Natasha. She could teach more than acting.

Next time I saw Crawford she wanted another round. I told her straight out I didn't much enjoy doing it with a woman. After I turned her down, she became spiteful. An English poet best describes it: hath no rage like love to hatred turned; and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – most people wrongly credit that to Shakespeare. William Congreve is the author. That's me, Marilyn Monroe, the classical scholar.

About enemas. You and Dr. Freud say every child goes through an anal development stage when the child first gets to neural control of the anal sphincters. Dr. Freud says the sexual and the excremental are always mixed together. You told me that childhood experiences during the anal development stage can cause a fixation which play a part in later sexual development. Maybe that happened to me and we'll get at it in analysis. You know I have a very poor memory of my early childhood... I began remembering a little bit about the enemas I had as a child. They were what you and Dr. Freud call repressed memories. I'll work on it and give you another tape.

But Doctor, I don't understand this big taboo about enemas. Most of the actresses I know use them, even some who won't admit it.

Mae West told me she is given an enema every day and she has at least one orgasm a day... Mae says her enemas and orgasms will keep her young until she is 100. I hope she makes it. A nice lady even though she turned down making a picture with me. That just shows how smart she is.

Peter Lawford...says the Queen and noblewomen of the court of Louis XIV were given frequent enemas with by special servants called apothecaries. The purpose was to give them peaches and cream complexions... Something about intestinal toxins getting into the blood. So there you are. Those ladies were doing the intelligent thing. ...

Yes, I enjoy enemas, so what!

But lets get to something serious Doctor, I want you to help me get rid of Murray. While she was giving me an enema last night I was thinking to myself Lady, even though you're very good at this, you've got to go. But how? I can't flat out fire her. Next thing would be a book "Secrets of Marilyn Monroe by her Housekeeper." She'd make a fortune spilling what she knows and she knows too damn much.

How about this- You tell her you have a seriously sick and suicidal patient or locate one somehow. That the patient is in urgent need of Murray's services. I graciously with tears in my eyes agree to part with her. I'll give her a substantial severance bonus, but she'll have to sign a contract not to write or give interviews about me. Ask Micky if a contract like that can be made to stick. -

Doctor, the fact is we just plain don't like each other. I can't put up with her insolence and disregard for anything I ask her to do. If you have a better idea please let me know what it is.

Another problem that is bothering me. A...named Slatzer is running around saying awful lies about being my husband and what I am like in bed. I asked Frank Sinatra what I could do. He said, Marilyn baby, ignore it. If you take on one of these ... you make him bigger and yourself smaller. I suppose if anyone knows Frank should. He is a man at the top of his profession and is a fine actor as well. (You know, he got an Oscar for "From Here to Eternity"). He has helped more people anonymously than anybody else. And the miserable ... press smears him with lies about his being involved with the Mafia and gangsters. And Frank just takes it.

What a wonderful friend he is to me. I love Frank and he loves me. It is not the marrying kind of love. It is better because marriage can't destroy it. How well I know. Marriage destroyed my relationship with two wonderful men.

Joe D. loves Marilyn Monroe and always will. I love him and always will. But Joe couldn't stay married to Marilyn Monroe, the famous movie star. Joe has an image in his stubborn Italian head of a traditional Italian wife. She would have to be faithful, do what he tells her, devote all of herself to him. Doctor, you know that's not me. There is no way I could stop being Marilyn Monroe and become someone else to save our marriage. It didn't take too long before we both realized that and ended our marriage. But we didn't end our love for each other. Any time I need him, Joe is there. I couldn't have a better friend.

It's different with Arthur. Marrying him was my mistake, not his. He couldn't give me the attention, warmth and affection I need. It's not in his nature. Arthur never credited me with much intelligence. He couldn't share his intellectual life with me. As bed partners we were so-so. He was not that much interested. You know I think his little Jewish father had more genuine affection for me than Arthur did.

I loved the little Jew and his quaint Jewishness. But the Jewish religion never got to me ... Maybe he is a fine creative writer, I suppose so.

Arthur didn't know film and how to write for it. Misfits was not a great film because it wasn't a great script .Gable, Monroe, Clift, Wallach, Huston. What more could you ask. I'll tell you. There has to be a story as good as the talent who play it. If you put Jesus Christ in a bad script it would be a flop. You know why those religious theme pictures like Ben Hur and the Ten Commandments are so successful. Because the Bible is a ... good script.

I stood naked in front of my full length mirrors for a long time yesterday. I was all made up with my hair done. What did I see. My breasts are beginning to sag a bit. ... My waist isn't bad. My ass is what it should be, the best there is. Legs, knees and ankles still shapely. And my feet are not too big. OK, Marilyn, you have it all there. It is decision time.

If I have to do any more pictures for those ... at Fox, I am going to be the highest paid actress in Hollywood, double what they pay Taylor, and a piece of the gross. I'll choose the script, director and cast. The pictures will be box office hits. I'll put part of the millions I make in no-risk investments. The rest I'll use to finance my plan.

I'll take a year of day and night study of Shakespeare with Lee Strasberg. I'll pay him to work only with me. He said I could do Shakespeare. I'll make him prove it. That will give me the basics Olivier wanted. Then I'll go to Olivier for the help he promised. And I'll pay whatever he wants.

Then I'll produce and act in the Marilyn Monroe Shakespeare Film Festival which will put his major plays on film. I'll need you to keep me together for a year or more. I'll pay you to be your only patient.

Oh, I made you another present. I have thrown all my ... pills in the toilet. You see how serious I am about this.

I've read all of Shakespeare and practiced a lot of lines. I won't have to worry about the scripts. I'll have the greatest script writer who ever lived working for me and I don't have to pay him.

Oh, Monroe will have her hand in. I am going to do Juliet first. Don't laugh. What with what make-up, costume and camera can do, my acting will create a Juliet who is 14, an innocent virgin, but whose budding womanhood is fantastically sexy.

I've some wonderful ideas for Lady Macbeth and Queen Gertrude. I feel certain I'll win an Oscar for one or more of my Shakespearean women.

Yes, Doctor, this is what I am going to do. I owe it to you, Doctor, that I can.

Marilyn Monroe is a soldier. Her Commander in Chief is the greatest and most powerful man in the world The first duty of a soldier is to obey her Commander in Chief. He says "do this." You do this. He says "do that." You do that.

This man is going to change our country. No child will go hungry. No person will sleep in the street and get his meals from garbage cans. People who can't afford it will get good medical care. Industrial products will be the best in the world. No, I'm not talking Utopia -- that's an illusion, but he will transform America today like FDR did in the 30's. You don't think you're hearing me do you. You're right. And he'll do for the world what he'll do for America — transform it for the better. I tell you, Doctor, when he has finished his achievements he will take his place with Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and FDR as one of our greatest Presidents.

I'm glad he has Bobby. It's like the Navy. The President is the Captain and Bobby is his Executive Officer. Bobby would do absolutely anything for his brother. And so would I.

I'll never embarrass him. As long as I have memory I have John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

But Bobby, Doctor, what should I do about Bobby. As you see there is no room in my life for him. I guess I don't have the courage to face up to it and hurt him. I want someone else to tell him its over. I tried to get the President to do it, but I couldn't reach him. Now I'm glad I couldn't. He is too important to ask. You know when I sang Happy Birthday for him ... Maybe I should stop being a coward and tell him myself. But because I know how much he'll be hurt I don't have the strength to hurt him.

I think what's happened to Bobby is that he has stopped having good sex with his wife for some time. ... Well when he starts having sex with the body all men want, his Catholic morality has to find a way to justify cheating on his wife. So love becomes his excuse. And if you love enough, you can't help it and you can't be blamed. All right, Doctor, that's Marilyn Monroe's analysis of Bobby's love for me. And now I understand it for what it is, I'm not going to have any problem handling it myself . What is amazing is I solved my problem just through the free associating I did for you. ...

Well, that's something for you to sleep on, Doctor.

Good Night.

As you can see these are very intense and provide yet another path in the quest to discover that really happened to the live of Marilyn Monroe.