THE PUNCH LINE

"A new report found that people in Luxembourg consume the most alcohol in the world. The same report found that Luxembourg has the most beautiful women in the world after 10 p.m." -- Jimmy Fallon

Mrs and Mrs WHATEVER

The reason to have a pet?

Get yours HERE.

Whew...A reason not to buy People next week...

HST Rants

On January 22, 2001, Hunter S. Thompson sent the following fax to Holly Sorensen, the Production Executive at indie movie studio The Shooting Gallery. Hunters rant concerned the movie adaptation of Thompson's novel, The Rum Diary, to which Sorensen's studio had acquired the rights.

Avatar Outakes

Trekkies cross THE LINE....

Bad Things Michael Lohan has done...

Britney Murphy Death Certificate

Ice-T's family at the beach without life jackets...oh wait ...NEVERMIND...

A recipe for fried Guinea Pig

Fried Guinea Pig (Ayacucho-style)

1 guinea pig, de-haired, gutted, and cleaned

1/2 c. flour

1/4 - 1/2 t. ground cumin

salt and black pepper to taste

1/2 c. oil

Pat dry the skin of the guinea pig and rub in the cumin, salt, and pepper. Preheat oil. Dust the carcass with the flour and place it on its back in the oil, turning to cook both sides. Alternately, the guinea pig can be cut and fried in quarters.

Serve with boiled potato or boiled manioc root, and a salad of cut tomatoes and slivered onions bathed in lime juice and a bit of salt. Have cold beer on hand.

Re-dacted Sheen Documents

Larry slept with Shawn's sister...

Shannon - a voice-over actress and model - claimed she had an affair with Larry, telling a close pal: “I had sex with Larry, and he bought me an expensive car.”

The car triggered an explosive confrontation between the two women in early July, sources say.

“To help her sister out, Shawn sold Shannon her Mercedes-Benz at a huge discount,” a close friend of Shawn told The Enquirer.

“Just weeks later, Shawn saw Shannon driving a $160,000 car. When Shawn confronted her, Shannon said she’d traded in Shawn’s Mercedes and bought the new car with money she’d earned from voice-over work for a movie. When Shawn asked which movie it was, Shannon claimed she couldn’t remember.”

A suspicious Shawn eventually learned her husband… actually bought the car for Shannon, said her close friend.

“Shawn said she also discovered that Larry had spent $1.5 million to put up Shannon at the swank Beverly Hills Hotel for 18 months,” divulged the friend - who passed a polygraph test. “Shawn was furious! She said that she wouldn’t have felt so crazy if she’d caught Larry fooling around with a stranger. The fact that he’s cheating with her sister has made it so much worse.”…

Shannon’s story also triggered Shawn’s affair with their son’s baseball coach… sources say.

Chimps hunt Monkey

Story HERE.

John TV

Janice "The Tongue" Dickinson

Our Lord and Savior: Jesus Banana

Glee Flash Mob in Italy

A little Holiday Cheer

Lily Allen: Harpers

Hey Janet Jackson, I got your halftime show...RIGHT HERE..

RIP: Kim Peak

She obviously can't get up on the bed...

Lindsay Lohan's man of the moment...

Karaoke monitoring system calls cops

Story HERE.

Another TSA mistake...

ewwwwwwww

Narayan Dutt Tiwari, the 86-year-old Indian governor Sex Tape

Happy Birthday Ms Star Trek

What the HELL is that?

JFK Parties in the 1950s

Gaga Fan Club Meeting...

Brittany Murphy's home is already on "Haunted Hollywood Tours."

Butt Sniffer wanted for questioning....

See it HERE.

Barry from Virginia calling...

Sheen Released from Colorado Custody

Story HERE.

RIP: Vic Chesnutt

Story HERE.

Best Viral Videos of 2009

See them HERE.

Cher's house for sale

See it HERE.

Yuletide Zep...

12 Days of Kwanza

Happy Christmas

Tip of the Old Putter from TW

White Kwanzza

HO!

Lee does Christmas

Keith for the Holidays

Santa's New Ride, from GE

See it all HERE.

Merry Christmas from Jessica Simpson

Happy Holidays

Jessica Simpson actually looking cute....

Issues in the land of The Brady Bunch...The Brady Bunch

Greg Brady's 30-year-old girlfriend allegedly stole $29,000 from his checking account and then threatened to kill herself after she lost a beauty contest.

TMZ reports that The Oldest Brady has taken out a restraining order against Elizabeth Kennedy, he claims that back in August, Elizabeth threatened to kill herself after she came home crown-less from a beauty pageant.

Tiger Sponsorship

Since his little affairs have come to light, several of Tiger Woods' sponsors have dropped him. However, Pfizer has decided to sponsor him. They are making a new drug called Tiagra. It's good for 18 holes.

Norad Santa Tracking

Follow it HERE.

Needle Felted Santa Cthulhu and Mrs Cthulhu

Get yours HERE.

My ears hurt and all the glass in the house is broken...

A Jonas and his IPhone

The Meaning of Christmas

The Late Tommy Cooper

1. Two blondes walked into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message: '... If you want marijuana, press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high..'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'..

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

10. Our ice-cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common? ' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,
then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' ' What? Because he's cross-eyed? 'No, because he's really heavy.'

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.' 'How's that?' the doctor asks. 'Don't you start' says the guy.

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bast**d!'

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

21. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'

22. A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places.' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore.'

Kill'em and GRILL'em...

Venetian Blind...SPOT...?

Lohan MUSE OUTAKES

Star Wars Costumes in a bad economy

Darth Vader’s TIE wheelchair

Happy Festivus Everyone

Celebrate HERE.

Portrait of a happy family

Britney Murphy's Hubby Speaks

On the rumor that Brittany suffered from anorexia:
"These rumors that she was anorexic? It's crazy – she was slim, but that was her natural physique. She tried to gain weight but had one of those metabolisms – a high metabolism – but enjoyed food as much as anyone. I wish I could show all the receipts from the take out restaurants."

On not wanting an autopsy on Brittany's body:
"My initial reaction to the autopsy was – they're going to cut her open – I couldn't bear it. That would break her mother, but we realized we needed to know. I look forward to getting the results."

On the heart murmur she suffered from and what kind of meds she was taking:
"She was on herbal remedies that wouldn't speed up her heart. There was nothing here that could endanger her; there was prescription medication in the house for her female time and some cough syrup. That was it."

On if Brittany died from any kind of overdose:
"I can get rid of that one right now."

On people saying he's a Sleeze ball:
"So many people have their views of us, but they never met us or sat down with us. I'm not perfect, but I don't think anyone is … I am feeling beyond devastated. I was in love with Brittany and Brittany with me."

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