Scientology: So many Questions...

RadarOnline posted a few questions from that questionnaire the Scientologists give you during your audit. They use your answers to see how clean you are or something like that. It's way creepy. There's 343 questions on the thing and they ask you the questions while you're hooked up to an E-Meter. It's like a polygraph machine. The questions are bizarre and apparently real, but I would expect nothing less. Radar only posted a few questions...so here's a few of them along with my responses:

Have you ever enslaved a population?
Well I had a herd of goats once...

Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?
No, I'm usually naked for sex.

Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?
I set a globe on fire once, does that count?

Have you ever exterminated a species?
Okay...4th grade; some ants and a magnifying glass; it was me, I confess...

Have you ever set a booby trap?
(Trick Question) A: What is putting on a Bra, Alex...

Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Only when I ask them weird questions about Tom Cruise.

Have you ever castrated anyone?
Well there was this one time that the cord carrying blood to my right testicle twisted and became infected and it hurt really bad and they had to give me medication to make the infection go away and, and, and...

Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
My testicles hurt now that I relived that issue in the last question so we could pass on bringing that up again...please...

Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
Well, there was this one time in 1978 at Winterland Arena in San Francisco while attending a Grateful Dead show that I THINK I SAW PEOPLE FLOATING IN THE AIR, BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT...THAT I KNOW OF...

Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
I have stayed at The Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas and I have recommended it to others.

That was fun. The Scientologists should put this out for Xbox 360 and Wii! It would be a hit at parties; get drunk and answer the crazy alien questionnaire.

Visit Radar to read the other questions.