Carnie College: Cause ya gots to learn sum-thin..

Finally a school for those who....ahhh...never mind...

One Carnie College graduate discusses his favorite and least favorite classes: "My least favorite class was the one on dental hygiene. We were forced to drink 32 ounces of mountain dew and eat eight snickers bars every day until at least half of our teeth fell out."

"My favorite class was Carnie Vocabulary 101. In that class we learned the subtle art of yelling, 'wanna go faster?' while working the complicated controls of the Gravitron."

"The trick is, "there are two buttons... one makes it go faster while the other one slows it down. It's embarrassing to insinuate that you are about to increase the speed of the ride and then accidentally slow it down."

Carnie College doesn't discriminate based on race, age or religion, but they do give a certain amount of preference to people who claim to have met or been a roadie for Ozzy Osbourne.

MAKE NOTE TO SELF: "I NEED TO FIND TIME TO DO THIS..."