Most girls are crazy about algebra in a changing room

IT'S straight from the David Lee Roth school of sociology. The American Psychological Association created something of a to-do last month when it released a study linking the proliferation of images of sexualised girls with mental health problems such as eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression.

In its sights were targets as diverse as rappers and their lyrics and videos, pop stars such as Christina Aguilera, advertisers, publishers, clothes designers (G-strings emblazoned with "wink wink" for seven to 10-year-olds) and doll manufacturers (Bratz with their miniskirts and fish-net stockings).

The argument is simple and compelling: marinating in images of sexualised females on television, billboards, magazines and in clothes shops, girls begin thinking of themselves only in sexualised terms, and once that starts happening it is a slippery slope to emotional, self-image, sexual and even mental health problems.

The psychologists go so far as to suggest that girls who "self-objectify" suffer from a diminished ability in mental activities such as schoolwork and logical reasoning. It's relatively straightforward, and extremely disturbing for the parents of tweens and teen girls. But the US study cited by the APA as proving a link between the sexualisation of girls and their diminishing brain power appears to come straight from the Lee Roth play book (circa California Girls, 1985).

In fact, if the study was made into a music video, the (once former, now revived) Van Halen frontman could be the ideal singer to perform the lyrics. For readers of a certain age, anyway. Others might be thinking of 50 (pronounced "Fiddy") Cent or Snoop Dogg.

Barbara Fredrickson, an eminent professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina, and her colleagues decided the best way to examine whether women's self-objectification had an impact on their brain power was to conduct a maths test, but a maths test with one big difference.

The sample group were college students of both sexes. They were invited one by one to enter a changing room. In the room was either a sweater or a swimsuit. Not both. The student, alone in the room, was asked to try it on and take 10 minutes to evaluate how they looked in the garment. While they did this, they were also asked to complete a maths test. Set that to music.

The study, That Swimsuit Becomes You: Sex Differences in Self-objectification, Restrained Eating and Math Performance, found no differences in the performance of the young men, togs or sans togs. But, as the APA notes, "young women in swimsuits performed significantly worse on the (maths) problems than did those wearing sweaters".

"In other words, thinking about the body and comparing it to sexualised cultural ideals disrupted mental capacity," the APA says.

Now hold on. Are we sure the college girls wearing the bathing suits weren't just distracted in their arithmetical efforts by the thought that doing algebra alone in a room in a bikini for 10 minutes was a bit weird? Wouldn't anyone be put off in those circumstances, body-image issues or no body-image issues? After all, the other girls had just been asked to slip on a jumper over their existing clothes.

And as for the college boys registering the same scores with or without bathers, they were all probably just thinking about the free pizza they'd get for helping their professor out with her research.

And what were the chances of differing results between the males anyway? Men seem to have an innate ability to filter their reflection through a prism that sheds both years and fat, provides extra muscle, and adds height and hair.

If Roth is ever exposed to any of Fredrickson's work - and one can only imagine that happening as he lies by a pool sipping an umbrella cocktail with one of his bikini-clad girls reading it to him - he may well be inspired to conduct his own sociological experiments.

"I'll need a control group of 10 models," professor Roth might say to his trusty roadie, sorry, research assistant. "Give them each a copy of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment and put them in one big sauna. Turn it up to really hot. Then measure how long they can manage to stay in there, how sweaty they get, and finally conduct a 15-minute test on their comprehension of the book the instant they emerge without giving them a chance to change. Only after the test has been completed should you let them shower."

But what would that prove, professor?

"Not much, but it would make for a great video."