The Paris Hilton Storage Locker

Remember that storage unit that Paris Hilton had way back? She didn’t pay the bill, yadda yadda wonk eye yadda. Anyway, that is not as nearly as interesting or entertaining as what was in the storage unit. Let’s run down the list:

* Prescription bottles of the painkiller Hydrocodone
* Valtrex herpes medication
* Sleep aid Ambien
* A medical bill from a Los Angeles clinic, billing an “Amber Taylor” (same birth date as Paris) for a miscarriage in March 2003
* A journal of her alcohol-induced dreams
* Nicole Richie’s University of Arizona ID card
* Nicky Hilton’s Nevada marriage certificate
* Several bank statements, including one with an monthly balance of $9.26

The list speaks for itself. Paris Hilton is a troglodyte with not one drop of talent, class, or intelligence. Though it seems she has a few drops of STDs and sperm. This is why modern science is fucking horrible, if this was the dark ages the body of Paris Hilton would have already rotted through from letting horses, sheep, and the local mob give her a good rogering. Plus, we probably would have burned her at the steak for being a witch. The only way someone with no talent can get so popular is by being a witch! BURN HER!

Those dark age peoples might have just been pure genius.

One item to share from the booty can be seen below. After seeing that picture I just don’t understand how Mischa Barton can date Cisco Adler and why he would pose nude. Ewwww.